Team Burkey

40 weeks and one day

2010-07-20T07:00:00.000-04:00

At 8 a.m. today, we head to the doctor's office to see the progress of little Amelia. I'm assuming we'll be told about induction (what a dirty little word) if she doesn't come by some point. I just need to last until Saturday night, although Sunday morning would work, too.

Sending vibes to our little Munchkin now ....

Happy due date!

2010-07-19T16:42:00.000-04:00

The day has finally arrived -- July 19. It seemed like so long ago that I circled that date on any calendar I could find. And, at nearly 5 p.m., the day will pass.

It's not all bad, though. Many co-workers incredulously balked at my answer to the dronish question -- you're still here??. I replied, why yes I'm still here. And I plan to work the rest of this week because my little brother is tying the knot on Saturday. I have to be there to celebrate them!

Here's to hoping ...

Baby's first O's game

2010-07-03T13:52:00.000-04:00

Brent and I met friends in Baltimore and cheered for the home team against the A's last week. Of course, the Orioles lost, but I got to hang with the Oriole Bird him/herself!

37 weeks

2010-06-29T07:31:00.001-04:00

We have our next appointment at 8:15 this morning. On Friday, nothing was really going on labor-wise, so I'm not expecting anything fantastic tomorrow. Just the run-of-the-mill listen to the baby's heartbeat and see if she's dropped any farther.

(Heehee ... I know. I can't even type that with a straight face! There's no such thing as a run-of-the-mill listen to Amelia. I can't wait!!)

Man Hands

2010-06-28T20:31:00.001-04:00

You know that episode of "Seinfeld"? Yeah, today was definitely a Man Hands day.

So much for wearing my wedding rings till the end. I've retired them until little Amelia makes her debut.

Our 36-week appointment

2010-06-25T07:31:00.001-04:00

At 8:45 a.m. today, we're heading for our first of what I hope will be several weekly appointments. Now that we're on the home stretch, the docs will be "checking" to see if any action is happening. Part of me wants to go early enough, so we aren't left in limbo for my brother's wedding. (Plus, I can't wait to really snuggle this little munchkin.) But then the other part of me wants her to extend her stay until July 25, so everything is manageable and together at the wedding. Either way, whatever will be, will be.

I've just never been the most patient person. Please, please don't send Amelia an eviction notice July 22 through 24. (Heck, the nighttime of July 24 would even be OK.) I will be at that wedding, I will be at that wedding ... I WILL.

Shower No. 3

2010-06-24T19:28:00.001-04:00

I know, I know. It's boring reading about all of the showers we've had, but I just have to tell you about our third one! My mother-in-law threw a bash in Berrysburg, and my parents came with us. The boys went to hit golf balls, and Mom and I hung out with the ladies.

The gifts were mostly of the hand-made variety, especially my MIL's baby blanket. You know, on a funny note, Amelia is due in July, yet we have close to 10 blankets. She'll be set come fall and winter, that's for sure!

Beat the heat?

2010-06-24T07:34:00.000-04:00

So, it's supposed to be close to 100 degrees today. I knew that a summer baby would mean lots of air conditioning, but that only does so much when it's sweltering outside.

Still, I think I'm handling the swelling pretty well. I haven't had to take my rings off yet, and my shoes still fit. I'm taking that as a small victory.

More blessings

2010-06-23T16:34:00.001-04:00

It's been a while, but I wanted to put up a quick update. Our wonderful friends at the office threw Brent and I a surprise baby shower a few weeks ago, and it was unbelievable! We received so many adorable outfits ... a jogging suit, handmade knitted sweater and too-cute-for-words sets ... just to name a few.

We're so lucky to have pals like this! The cake was awesome, too. It was made of all cupcakes ... mmmmm

One of the best days ever (cont)

2010-06-16T18:51:00.001-04:00

(Check out the first post here.)

Mom decked the house with safari animals galore, and you should have seen all of the lengths she went to. Unbelievable. We dined on shrimp salad and chicken, there was a diaper cake (pic to come on that one), little animal beanie babies were everywhere. A zebra here, an elephant there. Gerber daisies in glass baby bottles dotted different tables. And you should have seen and tasted the cake. To. Die. For.

I could go on and on and on ... what an awesome day. Overwhelmed doesn't begin to describe it.

Normal, normal

2010-06-15T18:51:00.000-04:00

We had our 35-week doctor's appointment today, and everything is A-OK. Amelia's heartbeat was around 144, and she was pushing back against the fetal monitor. Oh, it was too hilarious.

The midwife checked her position, and she's still head down. I even was able to feel her little noggin, with the midwife's help, of course. She's continuing to kick away at my ribs ... and I'm loving every minute of it!

Just a quick post

2010-06-12T08:54:00.000-04:00

I have officially dubbed today and Sunday "put stuff together for baby weekend."

Look out -- stroller, changing table, dresser, blinds, clothing, crib, etc -- HERE WE COME!

Amelia will be here in five or six weeks, give or take. And this is our only free weekend until July 10. Needless to say, we have our work cut out for us.

Welcome to Bawlmore, hon

2010-06-09T19:54:00.002-04:00

Finally, we satisfied our cravings. Remember this post about Brent feeling the pinch?

Saturday night, it was time to crack into a few lovelies. Mmm...

One of the best days ever

2010-06-01T12:18:00.000-04:00

You know when you look back on your life (yes, I'm "only" 28), and you can pinpoint events in your life that you know you'll remember forever?

Those include college graduation, when Brent proposed on the Golden Gate Bridge, our wedding day.

I'm adding my baby shower on Saturday to that list. My mom completely pulled off the surprise of a lifetime. Mom knows how much I love surprises, and she told me about two weeks ago how it was getting difficult to plan the baby shower, so she was just going to tell me it was June 12. No other details would be divulged. I didn't mind -- the summer fills up quickly, and who knows when Amelia will make her debut. Oh, and don't forget my brother's wedding in July, too!

Anyway, my brother forwards everyone an e-mail -- mom, dad, Brent, his fiance and me -- from the wedding coordinator at the Rusty Scupper, where the rehearsal dinner is going to be. He wanted us all to go for a tasting.

So, we woke up Saturday morning, I mowed the lawn, Brent trimmed and I couldn't wait for a relaxing evening.

Long story short, Brent dragged his feet endlessly at home. I sat in the car in a huff, complete with my arms crossed, annoyed that he was taking so long. I sat there fuming," Why is Brent taking his sweet, old time?? Tom and Jess set this special tasting up for us, and I don't want to let him down by holding him up!"

I quickly moved from the passenger seat to the driver seat. I'm a much faster driver, so I knew I could get us to Towson by 2:15. We pulled into my parents' cul-de-sac at 2:14 p.m. Perfect. On the drive, Brent talked animatedly about all sorts of things.

But then as I tried to find a spot on the street, I was amazed at how many vehicles took up space. I turned to Brent and asked, "Wait a second, is this the shower???" He said no.

Then, I walked in the door and everyone yelled surprise. I nearly died ....

Sympathy cravings

2010-05-25T18:54:00.000-04:00

I've been lucky enough to avoid any pregnancy cravings. Some others I've talked to crave slushees or chocolate or certain drinks.

Yesterday, I figured out why I'm not the one with the cravings. Turns out, hubby is such a nice guy that he's taken that part of pregnancy for me. (What a guy!)

He e-mailed me this:

"I think I officially have sympathy cravings. I am so hungry for crabs with Old Bay right now, and I have no idea why."

Of course, I can't blame him. All things crabs top my favorite food list for every meal. In fact, I could go for a crabcake right now.

Amelia's chariot

2010-05-18T16:57:00.000-04:00

That's what my mom dubbed our new Honda CR-V. Based on the last blog post, it was a sticky situation. The dealer was trying to upsell us, which just made our skin crawl. In the end, Brent was able to work out a deal and we drove home our brand-spakin' new vehicle.

House? Check.
New lead-free windows? Check
Crib? Check.
Safe, reliable, big(ger) car? Check, check.

There is plenty more to do before our daughter arrives, but domestication, HERE WE COME!

(or, more accurately, we have arrived)

Today was a long one

2010-05-15T21:46:00.000-04:00

We were buying the CR-V, we weren't buying the CRV. Then we were buying it, then we walked out on the sale. And now it could be back on the table.

Is your head spinning? Mine certainly is.

So, about mid-afternoon in an effort to escape the craziness, I thought I'd run a few errands. Before I knew it, I was sitting on the grass next to our little Morgan. I never thought that a cemetery would bring me peace or calm my head ... but it was so beautiful. The brisk breeze, the warm sunshine, the sweetly singing birds. I just closed my eyes and cried ... and talked to our baby ... and ultimately felt better.

I feel a little morbid admitting that I found solace in a graveyard. But I think it's more about being with Morgan.

More "funnies"

2010-05-14T17:57:00.000-04:00

On my latest trip to the ladies' room, a person in another department stopped me on my way back to my desk. (You remember the last comment, right?)

This time, the "joke" was:
"You should really get a hospital bed pan for you to have at your desk, since you're peeing so much."

Why is she counting the number of times I pass her?
When does she have time to analyze my bathroom habits?
How is this her business?
What will people come up with next?

The point? I need to use the other bathroom more.

Go to the head of the class

2010-05-13T17:55:00.000-04:00

We're finished with two of the four-class baby series. Two Wednesday ago, we learned about the "happy" stages of labor, which is stage one. Nothing much happening and things are moving right along.

Last night, I wished that I could have just stopped learning right there. Last night, the class was much different filled with painful words, pictures and a movie. "But," exclaimed the teacher, we'll get down and dirty next Wednesday. (I think I'm coming down with a cold ... I might have to miss.)

Still, I did learn a lot. We talked about "relaxation" techniques, which felt great 12 hours ago. In the heat of the moment, well, I guess we'll find out. At least I feel armed with more useful information of what to do. The first class was more an overview of this is what is going to happen, when and how to time contractions and tips for the coach.

I think there's a line between learning enough that you are not fearful of the unknown and learning too much. I'm not sure where I am right now ... but next week's class does not look promising.

Best. Purchase. Ever

2010-05-12T18:12:00.000-04:00

I surprised Brent once again, and went against what I said I wouldn't do.

I bought a fetal heartrate doppler. (The other major milestone I said I wouldn't do -- find out the sex of the baby.) We told ourselves that we don't need to add the extra anxiety and stress of one night not being able to find the heartbeat for some reason.

Now that I can feel her moving every so often and especially now that she's about three pounds, I figured why not? I do worry when she has a quiet day, so the doppler seemed like the logical choice. Of course, I read a ton of reviews, and this is what we settled on.

And I L-O-V-E it. I even brought it to Baltimore so Mom, Dad and my brother could hear it. So exciting!!

The countdown is on ... less than 10 weeks, Ms. Amelia Margaret.

I'm sorry, what was that?

2010-05-11T17:14:00.001-04:00

So, earlier this week a co-worker called me a "tub of lard."

Yes, you read that correctly.
No, it was not an over-dramatization by yours truly.
Maybe, she was joking.

But this isn't a woe-is-me post. This is a what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-some-people post.

The offender works in another department, and she's a regularly chatty woman who likes to "joke." Maybe she thought she was being funny? Here's how it went:

I was walking back from my gazillionth trip to the ladies room. This woman was chatting up another woman at her desk, and then glanced up in my direction smiling. Woman B asked Woman A what she was smiling about. "Oh, just laughing at this tub of lard coming my way."

Without missing a beat, I threw lightning bolts in her direction and continued walking to my cube. She kept talking to me as I lumbered by, shouting after me. "Laura, you know you're adorable. I was just joking."

Now, I know that I can have thin skin at times, just ask my dad. And I'm not actually that angry about it. But I'm not that friendly with this person, and honestly, my own friends wouldn't even say that to me .

It comes down to this -- when you make an offensive or potentially offensive comment to someone, hurriedly spitting out "just kidding" or "no offense" does not negate the ignorance of your previous comment.

So ... there.

A belated Mother's Day

2010-05-10T18:09:00.000-04:00

What a bittersweet holiday.

It was so wonderful to celebrate Mother's Day with my husband at Mass when they did a special mom and mom-to-be blessing. And we ate brunch at the Milton Inn with my parents and brother. (One of the specials? Lump crab omelet. Delicious!)

But a smidge of me -- well more than a smidge -- missed Morgan. I must admit when we found out we were pregnant, Brent and I talked about how for the next Mother's Day and Father's Day, we'd have a little one all to ourselves.

Yes, we have beautiful Amelia growing and kicking and rolling around inside of me. And I am so in love with this little person who I haven't even met yet. But I want to remember our first child, who flew to Heaven on angel's wings. Because, after all, Morgan made me a mom, too.

Phew! That was a close one

2010-05-04T16:17:00.000-04:00

I passed! I passed! I passed! No need to cram or pull an all-nighter. My three-hour glucose tolerance test came back "normal." (Oh, how I love that word. Normal.)

After flying through the one-hour test, the subsequent one took a bit more of a toll -- fast for 10 hours, wake up at 5 a.m. to arrive at the clinic by 6 a.m., chug 100 ML of this sugary orange drink that didn't sit too well, get stuck four separate times for blood drawings. Oh, and I had to stay in the windowless room for all three hours.

The bright side? There was a cot to lie down on and a television. Anywho, it's over now and I passed.

Once again, I issue the plea -- Get here safe and sound, little Amelia!

Pros at complications

2010-05-02T11:56:00.002-04:00

See that blog title? That's Brent and I. After losing Morgan, the hematoma, dire predictions and other issues, I've now failed the one-hour glucose test.

The call came the other day. Apparently, levels are supposed to be between 70 and 139. (The level of what escapes me.) Well, I clocked in at 155. I didn't think that was too much higher than the limit, but the OB nurse who delivered the news thought otherwise.

"Well, it's still quite high, ma'm. You'll need to take the three-hour glucose tolerance test within three days."

Considering that they called Friday (even though I took the test at 6:30 a.m. Tuesday), I will not be getting the test done in three days. So, that's that.

On Monday, I have my 29-week appointment at 8 a.m. So, the glucose test is now scheduled for 6:30 a.m. Tuesday. Oy. I've read in several places that a lot of women fail the one-hour and pass the three-hour. I'll be chugging a liter of some sort of sugar-water equivalent after fasting for 12 to 16 hours. Then, blood is taken every half-hour. (Warning: Do not taunt the bear Monday night. Why would you make a pregnant person who is hungry all of the time fast?)

And, really, if most people fail the first and pass the second test, what is wrong with the first test? Anyway, here's to hoping the first test was a fluke. Of course, if I have gestational diabetes, then we'll just deal with that, too. Come on, Amelia. Get here soon (although not too soon) and healthy, please!

It's wedding season!

2010-04-30T11:56:00.000-04:00

With Lucy in Berrysburg, Brent and I are headed to a friend's wedding this weekend in Frostburg, Md. Hubby is one of three groomsmen, and he's certain to look dapper in his tux.

Luckily, Mom and I went shopping a few weekends ago and found two cute dresses, one for the rehearsal and one for Saturday. If I wouldn't have had her help, it might be a little scary what I would have ended up donning. Ha!

I'll post pics soon.

Can you hear that?

2010-04-27T16:50:00.001-04:00

The past two days I really didn't feel the little girl moving very much. At 28 weeks, I'm supposed to feel her at least every two hours. I'd go much more than that during the work day. Maybe I was busy. Maybe I wasn't paying attention. But those maybes weren't settling my mind.

So, this morning I called the doctor. While I have been counting kicks (you're supposed to have 10 kicks/punches/swishes/rolls in 10 minutes twice a day morning and night), Amelia seemed to have slowed down lately. The OB nurse returned my phone call, and I made an appointment for 2 p.m. today.

Arriving, I wasn't sure what to expect. They hooked me up to a stress test machine and a contraction machine, each with its own belt wrapped tightly around my tummy. At first, they couldn't find the heartbeat. The weird part was that we could hear her scooting around in there.

Eventually, the beautiful lub-dubs echoed out of the machine. It fluctuated between 98 and 148 beats per minute. Brent and I were told this is normal because it shows elevated brain activity. When the baby is smaller and younger, the heartbeat stays at the same rate because s/he can't regulate it on its own. Usually around 32 weeks is when the baby can start to react to what I've eaten, my activity level and her own activity level. So, it corresponds accordingly.

Anyway, here's little Amelia. I just couldn't wait to hear that sound until Monday at our next appointment. I can definitely say that Mommy is going to sleep better than ever tonight.

(PS. I'm working on getting the audio in here. It's not cooperating right now.)

Our latest home-improvement

2010-04-26T06:52:00.000-04:00

There's nothing like a baby on the way to turn the to-do list into a to-done list. While I won't go into "THE" list, here's one achievement put on the books by hubby. My parents bought us a chandelier for our second wedding anniversary (so great!), and Brent installed this a couple of weeks ago.

The 200-mile relay race

2010-04-23T21:52:00.000-04:00

Last year at this time, a few friends and embarked on the 200-mile relay race from Gettysburg, Pa., to Washington, D.C. Called the American Odyssey Relay, it's dubbed by runners the 24-hour race. (Except it took us closer to 36 hours, but who cares? We finished!

Anyway, that race pushed all 12 runners to push themselves to the limit mentally, physically and emotionally. You looked at the stars differently as you ran beneath them in the dark, screaming on your fellow teammate. You saw the sunrise in all of its pure glory as it rose above the Antietam Battlefield. You were one with the world, while your muscles screamed beneath you begging to just .... stop ... already.

And it was one of the best times of my running career. It was also before I experienced the most sorrow I've ever felt.

Brent and I are volunteering this year, since we've been blessed with little Amelia. I hope to be crammed into a stinky van with five other runners in 2011. In the meantime, we'll be cheering on The Fighting 69th from Shepherdstown, W.V. Although we're volunteering from 5 to 8 tomorrow morning, we'll be leaving York around 3 a.m.

PS. A fellow teammate snapped this picture as I headed out on my first leg of the race. The hill grade was nearly 65 percent, and it was straight-up hill. I have to admit that I'm not missing this leg.

Spring has sprung

2010-04-19T15:50:00.002-04:00

There are three lonely tulips on the side of our house, but at least they survived the winter and my brown thumb!

My parents felt Amelia!

2010-04-19T15:50:00.000-04:00

I was in Baltimore this weekend, while Brent was at a bachelor party up North. Mom and I zipped around town, running errands and gabbing. When we arrived at their house, I decided to lie down to rest my barkin' dogs.

Sure enough, this little slugger started her exercise routine. Mom came running over and felt her immediately! So much fun ... then, I went downstairs and told Dad to come feel my tummy. He started laughing and was a little hesitant. After a few moments, she moved and then moved again.

He said he didn't feel her move, but then goes, "All I felt was your heartbeat."

"Heartbeat? That was your little grandchild!" I chided with a smile.

This is just too much fun.

Fourteen weeks left today

2010-04-12T20:23:00.001-04:00

I never thought we'd make it to this point. You're told that a miscarriage means you're fertile. You're told that you're the most fertile after one. But I never thought we'd make it to 26 weeks.

Our little girl made it 17 weeks past Morgan. She beat the massive blood clot that grew right next to her. She defeated the odds the doctors gave her, laughing in the face of a 30-percent survival rate. Amelia grew and grew.

I'm truly amazed at the miracle this child is. While all children are a blessing, this one is a fighter. I'm so proud of her, and deep down, I know this scrappy attitude will most likely come back to haunt her daddy and I!

At 6.5 months, her eyes are starting to open and she weighs about two pounds. Unbelievable. Read more here.

I'm not lucky, I'm blessed

2010-04-10T07:00:00.000-04:00

A story came across the wires the other day at work. After my posting about our wedding anniversary, I was reminded once again how blessed I am to have Brent. Yes, he can drive me crazy sometimes. But without him, I wouldn't be me. And without his strength, I still would be stuck in that scary dark abyss over Morgan.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another loss can follow for couples who lose a pregnancy

By Karen Kaplan
Los Angeles Times

LOS ANGELES - Scientists have had a hard time finding data to support the widespread notion that parents are more likely to divorce following the death of a child. But a new study finds that the risk is indeed higher for couples after a pregnancy goes awry.

Researchers from the University of Michigan Medical School used nationwide data on U.S. families to track the outcomes of pregnancies and the effects on parents. They calculated that couples who experienced a miscarriage were 22 percent more likely to break up than couples whose pregnancies resulted in the birth of a child. The increased risk persisted for three years.

Things were even worse for couples coping with a stillbirth - their odds of splitting were 40 percent higher, and the risk persisted for nine years, the researchers found.

About 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage (the loss of a pregnancy during the first 20 weeks of gestation) and 1 percent end in stillbirth (loss after 20 weeks), so the number of relationships that end in the wake of these losses is significant, according to the researchers.

The study will be published in the May edition of the journal Pediatrics.

Extremely powerful documentary

2010-04-09T18:09:00.000-04:00

Children are a miracle, a special gift from God. Not all parents deserve children, not all parents are, well, parents at all.

This is a film produced by the York Daily Record. It keeps the memory of 2-year-old Darisabel Baez alive in the hearts of many. Child abuse should never be ignored.

See the 20-minute video here. You will never be the same.

Our anniversay

2010-04-07T22:34:00.000-04:00

April 5, 2008, was one of the happiest days of my life, and it still held true in 2010.

Hubby brought me a dozen beautiful red roses and the most perfect card. I think it was written just for us. I'll have to type it up to show you the ooey gooey-ness.

On top of celebrating our wedding anniversary, we also had our 3-D ultrasound. Words can't explain the emotions ... or the happiness ... or the utter excitement. Pictures get that across a little better.

On top of the 10 pictures ultrasound technician Tim gave us, we also have a DVD.

A. MAZ. ING.

Our little girl wriggled, sucked her thumb, gave us the thumbs up and yawned twice. (Although Brent thinks she's warming up her vocal chords with Bob Dylan lyrics.) She's absolutely breathtaking.

One step at a time

2010-03-31T09:18:00.000-04:00

We made it through. Five days after Morgan's due date, I still can't shake the sadness. I awoke at 5 a.m. this morning just thinking about him. After lying in bed for a half-hour, I finally decided that the sandman would not return. So, I went into the kitchen, made myself a snack and started writing.

I wrote down the thoughts swirling inside my head about Morgan, the circumstances we dealt with and the process of grieving that never seems to completely disappear. In a way, I'm happy that the sadness isn't gone because that would mean I'd be forgetting. And I never want to forget.

But as I wrote about the funeral, I was reminded of the future by several light kicks from within. Our little one on the way in July is who we live for, who we keep putting one step in front of the other for. And I never want to forget that either.

How is it possible to still grieve, yet rejoice in the same moment? Motherhood sure is confusing.

March 25

2010-03-26T10:54:00.003-04:00

Brent went to three different stores to find the perfect present for his first little one. And what he found was simply perfect. The fluffy, soft lamb and the beautiful wreath gently leaned against the flowers we put there a few weeks earlier.

Darkness was creeping up on us as we stood, hand in hand, looking down at our baby's grave. But we didn't care. Nothing was going to rush our visit -- we prayed, told Morgan how much we miss him and plopped our kisses on the stone.

The real news was that when we walked up to the marker, there was this little bunny stuck in the ground right next to the stone. Brent and I quickly looked around at the other baby's graves, but Morgan's was the only one who had it. Who put it there? It wasn't my parents, and no one else really knows where Morgan is.

In the end, all that matters it that our child has more visitors than just his parents. And that warms my heart beyond words.

It's disappearing

2010-03-25T13:29:00.001-04:00

Last night, I opened Morgan's box. It hadn't been opened since I closed it a few weeks after his funeral

My fingers delicately touched the dried flowers. I leafed through the cards -- both congratulations and condolences -- people sent us. My eyes met the ultrasound pictures with sadness.

As I stared at the photo, I realized that it seems to be getting darker. The little peanut in the picture is fading into darkness. And that was the end of me keeping it together. I couldn't wrap my head around it. Why is it fading? What is going on? This is my only tangible memory.

And it's disappearing.

I think that is the hardest realization today.

Missing you always, my little love

2010-03-24T07:36:00.005-04:00

My due date was March 25.

We guessed at when the baby would come -- March 22 on Mom's birthday? Or maybe on one of the other extended family member's birthday? Or would the baby have a day all to himself?

Turns out, Morgan does share a birthday with one of my uncles, September 5.

I'm missing you always, my little love. Daddy and I will see you tomorrow.

I won

2010-03-23T17:36:00.000-04:00

After nearly two weeks of being haunted by the plague, I've made it to the other side. (But still taking meds for me ear infection.)

News in babyland: I witnessed the strangest thing since becoming pregnant -- seeing my stomach move. I've felt the little peanut in there since week 17, but the other day I saw something roll across my stomach from the inside. If that's not enough to make you giggle, I don't know what is.

The only unfortunate part was when I saw her acrobatic moves at Mass. I was following along in the missalette. Lo and behold, during the second reading, she bobbed and weaved. I started smiling and then had to stifle my laugh. (No one else found the adulteress being stoned funny, after all.)

Looks like Munchkin is getting me into trouble already!

Nursery time

2010-03-12T18:37:00.000-05:00

As some of you know, I had a bit of a squirrelcidence Thursday night. But that is one blog post that is simply too exhausting to rehash right now.

Saturday morning, my family is coming to paint the nursery!! I'm so excited. My brother and soon-to-be sister-in-law gave me a "day of labor" for Christmas, and I plan to use those (give-or-take) eight golden hours carefully. As a super-added bonus, Mom and Dad are helping with the house. (This is on top of Mom basically disinfecting our entire house on Friday. Not sure I'd ever get close to repaying her for that one.)

I promise to post pics of our little one's new abode soon. In the meantime, I'm still

Now, it's official

2010-03-08T18:05:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, we were lounging around before heading to Mass. I was on the couch, and Brent in the papazon chair. (You know, those things that Pier 1 sells.)

The baby has been rolling a lot more lately, and every so often the kicking/punching ups the power amps. As my stomach came under assault, I hurriedly told hubby to come over. He jumped up, spilling a few drops of coffee and sending the puppy flying off his lap.

(Now, usually, he'll get to me and then there's nothing. Or, there's movement, but only I can feel it from the inside.)

I told him to stick both hands on my tummy. And then, WHAM, a big kick/punch right below my bellybutton. I stared at Brent for his reaction. He was still looking down. Annoyed at the lack of reaction, I asked, "Did you feel that?!"

His steady answer (as only Brent can answer): "I felt a fluctuation where my thumb is."

"THAT'S THE BABY, SILLY!" I half-laughed incredulously.

"Hm. Then, yeah, I felt her." (Gotta love the German stoicism.) Just wait until he can see her moving inside of me! That will really freak him out. Although, deep down, I envy his calm nature. That is certainly going to come in handy come July.

Happy 20 weeks, two days, munchkin!

2010-03-03T19:15:00.000-05:00

This morning, we had our ultrasound and regular OB appointment. On our drive there, I asked Brent if he was anxious. He put into words what I was thinking, too.

"It's weird driving here without the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. And that's making me anxious."

Good point. Sadly, we're so used to go to the doctor's preparing for bad news or just so-so news. This time, it's allllllll goooood.

The baby is in the 60th percentile for weight, the stomach, kidneys, bladder, spine, etc. are all in working order. Tim (our ultrasound technician BFF) told us "everything looks textbook. And this is the one time you want your baby to be average." (AMEN!)

Beating the odds never felt so good. Happy half-way, baby Burkey!

Day care update No. 1

2010-03-02T17:46:00.001-05:00

Friday night, we headed to a woman's house close to our house. She has an in-home day care, which I found on Craigslist. My expectations weren't the highest, but I thought it was at least a place we check out first. Boy, was that a mistake! She didn't show us around the house (despite us prompting), she had to get the certification and license that is required by the day (why wouldn't you offer that first?) and a whole host of other negatives. So, she's crossed off.

Then, on Monday, we stopped by a bigger day care on Route 30. While exciting and much better organized, Brent and I went into sticker shock. This baby isn't even out of my womb yet, and she's going to cost a fortune! We go to see a few more in the next week and a half. Hopefully, some place will meet our needs, expectations and budget.

To the ends of the Earth

2010-02-27T19:18:00.001-05:00

We finally had a free weekend all to ourselves. No working. No parties. No nothing.

It was blissful. All three of us, including puppy, slept in until about 9:30 a.m. We had a leisurely breakfast and planned out the day. The biggest event was to visit Morgan. Since the temperatures were melting the snow, we thought it'd be perfect to spend some time there without feeling rushed.

And we were wrong. When we arrived, there was still a six-inch layer of snow and ice on top of the grass. We donned our galoshes, Brent walked over to where we thought the grave was, and he started digging with his heel. The snow barely moved.

I ran to the car and grabbed this mini ice-scraper out of my trunk. Then, Brent started digging holes all over the graveyard, hoping against hope that we could find our little baby. Every time we reached grass, our hearts sank lower and lower. I gripped the bright purple and orange flowers in my gloved hands, refusing to let them go.

After a bit, I asked Brent if we should just come back. I was defeated and depressed. But hubby was not.
His rosy cheeks turned toward me and then he looked down. He struck gold and uncovered "Burkey." Furiously, he continued slashing and wiping the ice away.

I sobbed and sobbed, crying harder than I have in a long time. It was an unbelievable relief that we found our little one. We jammed the fake flowers into the ground and stood hand-in-hand. Brent triumphantly smiled, his eyes dancing. Looking down, he said, "Don't worry, buddy. Daddy wasn't leaving without finding you."

Day care No. 1

2010-02-26T17:02:00.000-05:00

At 7 tonight, Brent and I are heading to our first day care, which is actually an in-home jobber run by a woman named Anna. She has one child (not sure of the age) and no pets. I'm a little cautious walking into this, as I found her ad on the local Craigslist.

I have a checklist I found on Childcare Consultants. It contains all of the certifications to ask about, questions to ask and what the right answers are. Stay tuned for details!

Hello, dear baby

2010-02-25T16:47:00.001-05:00

It's official.
I can feel her!
I can feel the punching and kicking.
I can feel the wriggling and rolling.

The very first occasion was on our trek northward to Berrysburg Feb. 7. I was one day away from 17 weeks, so I didn't think anything of it. All of the books says first-timers don't feel "quickening" until 18 to 22 weeks. But as I sat in the passenger seat, I whispered to hubby, "It's moving in there. I think it's moving."

He looked over with a goofy grin as big as his head ... and only slightly pale.

At 19-and-a-half weeks, I feel her more and more. It's not quite every hour yet, but it's every once in a while. I'd describe it as a flick on the inside of my tummy or a muscle twitch. Not painful at all. Although, I hear that's not too far away.

Hey, for a healthy little one, I'll take it! (After all, she needs to perfect her lacrosse/field hockey/basketball/running skills early. Practice doesn't make perfect -- perfect practice does.

What a world of day cares

2010-02-24T16:41:00.000-05:00

When I thought of having a baby, images of snuggling a wriggling baby in my arms all but consumed me. And now that this little munchkin seems to be healthier than ever, reality has smacked me in the face yet again.

Brent and I are on the day care quest. I've been putting this off for five months because it seemed all too impossible. When I started researching places in the area last week, tears welled up. Not because I was happy for this baby, but more because I had this aching in my heart for Morgan. I miss that child so much. Then, guilt filled my heart for this baby. I've spent more time carrying this child. Oh, I don't know.

Anyway, I never actually thought that I'd morph into a stay-at-home Mom, but I never really pondered what would happen to the kid. After all, Lucy can roam the house, but I think certain organizations might frown upon that for children.

So, we're on the books for two local places next week. I'm looking forward to scoping out the infant rooms, but I'd rather just skip the enrollment rates. (I might need reality to pay a visit again.) Luckily, my mom has offered to supplement the daycare for baby Burkey. At least I know there's time with Momo built in the schedule for lots of hugs and snuggles during the day!

Interpretation of comments

2010-02-23T16:41:00.001-05:00

It seems my stomach has popped overnight. For once, it's not attack of the chippers! My normally "big" sweaters are now a little snug, and I even had to retire my warm, festive red one this morning.

I always know when clothing doesn't quite look right by Brent's reaction. Here's an interpretation:

"It's fine" means "Hurry up, we're running late, and you've already changed three times, and I said the first outfit looked great."

"I don't think you've worn that yet" means "Didn't you already wear that this week?"

"Beautiful" means "HOMERUN!"

"That might be tight" means "Take it off, take it off, it no longer fits." (That was this morning. I already knew this looking in the mirror at the back fat.)

Ah well, baby keeps growing and growing and growing ...

Kudos to pregnant Olympian

2010-02-17T09:21:00.001-05:00

A friend sent this story to me, and I had to read the story twice. Canadian curler Kristie Moore is 30 years old and five-and-a-half months pregnant. She's an alternate, which means she won't see the ice unless one of her teammates is hurt and unable to perform. But, can you imagine? She's only a month ahead of me, and I couldn't imagine balancing my growing belly on ice purposely. Walking the dog around the neighborhood is dicey enough!

Check out the story here.

Happy birthday, Brent!

2010-02-12T10:40:00.000-05:00

Up at 5:30 this morning, I baked my first-ever attempt at a birthday cake. I thought I had two round pans, but alas I didn't. Just one 13-by-9 pan. After it was finished, I thought I'd cut it in half, so that I could make a layered cake,

It smelled delicious as it rose in the oven. I let it cool for about 45 minutes. Cutting it in half, I frosted the bottom layer and then moved to the top. So far, so good.

I started smearing the chocolatey goodness onto the sides. Then, it happened. The cake started to crumble and crumble and crumble. Desperately trying to keep the creation upright, I started shoving my fingers onto the icing to better smear it. (PS. That doesn't work.)

Might not look like the Ace of Cakes, but it sure will taste scrumptious! Now, for the candles.

Happy Snow Day

2010-02-11T18:11:00.001-05:00

Lucy loved the recent snowstorms. And I must admit, Brent and I didn't mind it too much either. Must be because we're winter babies. Looks like our little one is going to have much different feelings about it! (I should ask my Dad, who was born July 17!)

Regularness

2010-02-04T18:49:00.001-05:00

At our regular OB appointment that followed yesterday's ultrasound, the nurse took my vitals and the baby's heartbeat was 157 bpm. (It can range anywhere from 120 to 170 depending on what I've eaten or drank in the last two hours.)

Then, the midwife Felicia came in and said that the restrictions were lifted! I can now walk our little puppy and generally move about as I please. (No running still, but I'm OK with that. I'd probably gas-out after a mile anyhow, and that's just depressing after finishing a marathon.)

So, now I'm just a regular patient. Ahh.. I never thought I'd be happy to be ordinary.

Quick update

2010-02-03T18:49:00.000-05:00

Breathe. I'm breathing and I'm smiling and ...

Our ultrasound showed unbelievable news -- the baby is huge, the clot is small and I'm off restrictions! Oh, you should have seen the little wriggling bugger waving at us. Then, a little turn. And then a yawn! So precious. I was tired just watching.

We also found out some other news. It's (most likely) a girl! I know, I know. I was a big proponent of not finding out, but Tim asked and said he couldn't be 100-percent positive. So... I said OK. I think Brent nearly fell out of his chair.

I'm glad we know, though. Strangely enough, it makes me even more excited to know. And I feel like I have this overwhelming sense of connection with her now. Instead of him/her or he/she, it's less complicated. Of course, if the baby is a boy, he'll certainly be confused by the time he arrives!

Check out how big! You can see her baby teeth forming above the gumline, her spine and ribcage. It doesn't do the ultrasound justice at all, though.

Hanging with the girlies

2010-01-30T12:59:00.001-05:00

Today, I'm heading to Ze Mean Bean in Fells Point, Md., to see my high school girlfriends, Clare and Kathryn. I can't believe I've known them for practically 14 years. Oy, I feel old.

They know the news, but I haven't seen them in forever!

Jazz Brunch here I came. (Sans mimosas.)

Couldn't wait any longer

2010-01-29T17:58:00.000-05:00

Gulp. I just couldn't wait any longer. I'm anxious and antsy and impatient. (And, yes, I realize this needs mastering with the impending arrival of a child.) But I still have five or six months.

Our original appointment was scheduled for Feb. 8. The time was perfect: 8:20 a.m. for the ultrasound and 8:40 a.m. for the regular OB appointment. Like I said, I couldn't wait that long.

Here's the thing -- I was supposed to see the doc in four weeks. Four weeks from our last appointment would be Feb. 3. So, really, the Feb. 8 date was past the date they wanted to see me. (This is me rationalizing.)

After debating and obsessing and talking it over with a few close friends, I bet the bullet and called.

"Hi, I don't know if Feb. 8 will work for me. (white lie. Something could come up.) Is there an appointment the week of Feb. 1 perhaps?"

After the extremely patient receptionist (and I mean that sincerely) informed me that it would be difficult to find two appointments back-to-back, she did the what seemed like impossible.

We get to peek at our little pumpkin at 8:50 a.m. Feb. 3. (The OB one is at 9:15.)

Let the real obsessing and worrying and anxiety begin.

Lucky? Never thought of that

2010-01-27T18:37:00.000-05:00

A bit ago someone told me I was lucky.

Lucky? "Sure," I was told. "Lucky you are able to get pregnant so fast."

I'm not sure if luck in the baby department is really my speed.

No. 1) I bled, saw Morgan alive, then buried our first child. (There was a 2 percent chance of the baby dying after seeing him alive.)

No. 2) I bled, saw the baby alive, then was told we had a molar pregnancy. Then, was told it was a lab error. Then, was told we have a subchorionic hematoma that was growing larger with a 60 to 65 percent miscarriage liklihood. And now we seem to be on the upswing.

When I think of lucky people, I think of my brother who seems to be in the right place at the right time -- sharing town cars to the airport with famous athletes, catching homeruns at clutch baseball games, hitting it big when the blackjack tables are hot.

I consider our latest journey an exercise in faith. I feel blessed to have the people I have around me. I know I am blessed to have this healthy baby growing. And I hope I am blessed to give birth in July. (Just not on July 23 or 24, if that's possible. Thanks)

I should have waited

2010-01-25T18:29:00.000-05:00

I'm at the point where I want to know what my baby is doing and how s/he is developing. I'm slowly working my was passed the what-if phase. So, I logged onto whattoexpect.com, which is a Web site that gives daily e-mail upates about your progressing pregnancy.

I entered my username and password. And then the screen popped up slapping me in the face.

"Congratulations! At 32 weeks, you're baby is moving and kicking like Muhammad Ali."

Right.

I just stared at the screen. Then I wildly searched for something to take me off this page. I didn't want to close the window because I'd eventually have to log back in and see an even farther along pregnancy.

I found the settings page. On it, there was "report a birth" and "report a miscarriage." I quickly clicked the latter button. Breathing again, I tried putting in my new due date. But page after page after page kept glaring at me as I tried to navigate the site.

"Dealing with a miscarriage"
"When your first hello means good-bye"
"How to grieve"

I should have waited perhaps to rejoin the pregnancy online world. But would that be fair to this new baby? Morgan will never leave my thoughts or my prayers. I still need to make room for this healthy child, though.

Making Lemonade

2010-01-24T18:29:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday night, I traveled to Baltimore for the long-anticipated bridemaid dress fitting. Brent and I are in my brother's wedding, which is July 24. We're due July 19. See the predicament?

Naively, I thought this would be a grand ole time with the bridesmaids and, oh, won't it be fun to try on cute dresses.

"I was wrong" is the understatment of the year so far. (Good thing it's only January, right?)
Anyway, luckily my mom was there. I'm going to avoid divulging the painful details.

The key points were a) I left with no dress; b) there is no way I could have left with a dress because they don't make the dress big enough for a possibly nine-month-pregnant woman; c) I sobbed the whole way up I-83 on the phone with Brent and Megan.

Oh, the humanity! Thank goodness my future sister-in-law is a gracious, laid-back person. She said it was fine for me to find another maternity dress in silver, and then we could make a sash out of the hem from one of the girls' dresses.

So, I'm over the disappointment of having to be the odd-ball walking down the aisle. After all, how selfish is that? Everyone will be looking at Jess and Tom, not at the tent bouncing down the aisle, right? Right.

Now ... Mom and I are on the hunt for the perfect, tasteful wedding dress fit for a nine-month-pregnant or recent-newborn body. This should be interesting.

Carpe Diem!

2010-01-20T18:59:00.001-05:00

I'm not usually a fan of e-mail forwards, but I thought I'd share. This came from one of my aunts:

To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who
Gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who
Has given birth to a premature baby

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one second:
Ask a person who
Has survived an accident.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:
Lose one.

Time waits for no one.

Success in the pants department

2010-01-19T17:59:00.000-05:00

Oh, the joys of clothing that fits. I didn't realize how uncomfortable I was these past few weeks with unbuttoned and sometimes unzipped pants. I'd walk around the newsroom covering up the bulge with a heavy winter jacket. While the newsroom is on the chillier side, oftentimes the coat was overkill.

Mom and I enjoyed a scrumptious lunch at the Paper Moon (me, the Hella Portabella and mom the Turkey Powerhouse), then fought traffic to get to the mall. You'd think it was the week before Christmas!

We found Destination Maternity, which was a store split between A Pea in the Pod (which Seven jeans, yikes) and Motherhood (think Old Navy). After 30 pairs of pants and maybe a dozen shirts, I found the motherland. (pun intended)

We ended up with three pairs of unbelievably comfortable pants -- black, brown and gray -- and a cute blue sweater. (I know, I know, another blue item of clothing, but it's cute!) These pants feel like sweatpants. I think I might wear these forever and ever.

The highlight? The prosthetic belly!Yes, folks, I tried on a seven-month belly. Oh, let the hilarity ensue. It was a strap-on belly that showed you what the clothing would look like into the third trimester. It was a little shocking, I must admit. So, there was only one thing to do -- put it on mom!

Is it wrong that I think Mom looked cuter with the belly? hahahahaha .... these next five-and-a-half months are going to be quite a ride! And isn't Mom a good sport?

Taking the next step

2010-01-18T09:37:00.000-05:00

It's official -- I have only two pairs of pants that fit. And by "fit," I mean fit on my hips but still unbuttoned.

So, I'm heading to Baltimore today for a shopping spree with Mom. As some of you might now, shopping doesn't exactly run in our genes. But, now it's necessary.

I must confess that I am a little nervous, only because I still fear the worst sometimes. But, this baby is growing, and so must my wardrobe.

I am looking forward to trying on maternity stuff, but as always I'm more excited for lunch! Haha
Mom and I are heading to the Paper Moon in Baltimore today. It's one of my favorite eclectic restaurants.

After that, we'll head to the Towson Town Mall to scope out the maternity stores -- A Pea in the Pod and Maternity Destination.

Movie recommendation

2010-01-17T13:00:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I'm a little behind the movie curve. I can't even remember the last movie Brent and I saw in the theaters. (Could it have been the last "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie? How sad!)

A co-worker recommended newly released "Away We Go." It stars John Krasinski (the guy from "The Office") and Maya Rudolph. It's about a short period in the couple's life when they're world is thrown into upheaval. His parents announce they are leaving for Belgium a month before the baby is due. Flabbergasted, they retort that they only reason they moved to the area was so their daughter was close to her grandparents. (Her parents passed away when she was 22 years old.)

The story focuses on their plane trips to Arizona, Montreal and other places while they try to figure out where they wan to raise their child. I wasn't sure if Brent would like the movie, but surprisingly he did!

Even though my friend warned me about the saddest part, it still hit me like a freight train. There's a scene where Burt (Krasinski) and Verona (Rudolph) are at a club with their BFFs from college. Even though the couple had several adopted children, they were unable to have any of their own. The husband talks to Burt divulging his wife suffered her fifth miscarriage.

My breath caught in my throat. Five? Brent looked over at me and grabbed my hand as tears rolled down my face.

Then, the husband reflected upon it in an almost sterile manner. Not meanly, not uncaring, just honest perhaps.

"You get excited when you hear the news. You see them grow inside. And then ... then you just watch them fade away."

In body perhaps, but not in my heart, Morgan.

The verdict is in ...

2010-01-06T17:48:00.000-05:00

Here's our little munchkin at 12 weeks and two days!

From what our doctor and ultrasound technician said it appears the clot is smaller. However, since it's changed shape so radically, it's difficult to assign a percentage. But, they say it looks smaller. It's also moved closer to the "exit," which is also good.

Our next appointment is 8:20 a.m. Feb. 8. Since we're still considered high-risk, we will have monthly ultrasounds in addition to ultrasounds to monitor the clot and the baby.

Our BFF Tim, the ultrasound technician, looked flabbergasted when he squirted the jelly and put on the sonographer. There was another tech in the room with him. They just said "wow" in unison. I stopped breathing.

WHAT? WHAT?

"It appears that the clot is nearly gone. Hrmph. Honestly, I was pessimistic and I thought we were going to need to plan another miscarriage surgery counseling."

I stared back at him. I had no clue that he was this down about it.

"Oh," I mumbled, trying to catch my breath. "Well, I guess that's the power of prayer."

He glanced my way and smiled, as he continued the examination. "You know, Tim," I said, "we're not the ones in control."

And I thank God for that.

Oozing postivity

2010-01-06T07:00:00.000-05:00

Yep, that's me. I'm heading to work early to get my publication to the presses, and then hubby and I are heading to the doctor. Again.

Please let their be a heartbeat.
Please let that bloody clot be smaller.
Please let us be in the second trimester.

I want to be able to tell my extended family. I want to be able to talk about it freely without prefacing comments. Hopefully, our buddy Tim will give us the for which news everyone has been diligently praying.

Forget the scanner

2010-01-05T07:41:00.000-05:00

I'm officially throwing up my hands and improvising. I still can't get this new-fangled scanner/printer/copier/dishwashing all-in-one machine to scan the ultrasound pictures. Instead, I improvised and used the camera on my iPhone to take a picture of the pictures. Then, e-mailed it to myself, downloaded and saved the photos to my home computer's desktop and uploaded them here.

Whew, I'm exhausted. Really, it's a poor excuse for the photos looking a little rough around the edges. Meet our second Burkey baby!

The first picture is at seven weeks. The black oval is the gestational sac, the big white ball is the yolk sac (what the baby lives off until the umbilical cord forms around 12 weeks), and the baby is to the left. There's an arrow pointing to the fetus that says "baby."

And this our child at nine weeks, five days. The baby is on its side and the bright white marks are its chin/mouth, and the little arms. One arm is underneath the baby, and the other is in the process of wiping her face. Since this photo, we've seen the baby at 10 weeks, five days. Our next appointment is Wednesday, when the baby will be around 12 weeks, four days. On a bittwesweet note, the big black mass to the left is the blood clot.

One more thing ...

2010-01-04T08:30:00.000-05:00

In my previous Christmas post, I forgot to show off our very first handmade Burkey sign. Thanks, Cathy!

A belated Christmas post

2010-01-03T08:50:00.000-05:00

Santa must have gotten me mixed up with another Laura Burkey this year. I had an unbelievable Christmas filled with awesome presents and more importantly, time with my close friends and family.

It started with a trek to Baltimore Christmas Eve with my dad's side, then back to York that night. Brent, Lucy and I awoke to our first Christmas in our new house complete with pumpkin bread and presents! Then, it was back to Baltimore to celebrate with my parents, brother and his fiance. And back to York that night. On Saturday (the next day), we partied with my mom's side thankfully in York.

It was a whirlwind, but what a great holiday! As always, it went too fast.

This was the Year of the Coats. Don't believe me?

Brent gave me this great black coat to replace my ratty, holey pea coat that has definitely seen better days.

My mom gave me this splendid red number that is funky, sassy and warm. Perfect for the drab winter days.

On top of it, I gave Brent a black pea coat for Christmas, without either of us knowing that we bought each other same gift! Mine was much better, though. Poor Brent.

And my mom gave my brother's fiance an awesome Northface jacket. Who knew?

And, in the spirit of good luck

2010-01-02T11:40:00.000-05:00

I present to you my first-ever New Year's Day pork and sauerkraut dish. (No applause needed. ha!)

It was simple, and I know, I know pretty much everyone told me it was simple. But, folks, you've never seen me cook. And if you have, no explanation is needed.

Anyway, the recipe from allrecipes.com was stick the pork roast in the Crock pot, pour sauerkraut over it, add caraway seeds and turn it on. Thanks to mom, she gave me the oh-so-necessary hint of heavily sprinkling brown sugar on top of the cabbage (ick) and add about a half-inch of water on the bottom. Four hours later, perfecto!

P.S. In all honesty, the reason for my foray into the slow-cooking world was because my parents scooted off to Charleston, S.C., for a romantic and fun-filled New Year's. Next year, it's back to you, mom!

Come on, good luck

2010-01-01T11:19:00.008-05:00

Brent and I rang in 2010 in style -- sweatpants, T-shirts and half-opened eyelids. I should specify. Brent had the opened eyes, and I had the closed eyes, so that makes it half-opened eyelids, right? I hit the hay around 10:30 p.m., which is pretty admirable considering I'm usually in dreamworld by 9.

Hubby woke me up at 11:45 p.m., when I stumbled out of our newly painted bedroom and onto our puppy-hair-covered blue couch. (Hand-me-down courtesy of my parents.)

Anyway, we counted down with Ryan Seacrest (shudder) and Dick Clark (yikes!). Brent dutifully filled two champagne glasses with apple-cranberry sparkling cider and we kissed 2009 good-bye.

It's been a while

2009-12-31T16:49:00.000-05:00

I have a few Christmas items I want to share, but right now, I want to wish you a Happy New Year.

For some, it's been the best year on record. For others, it's been less than perfect. For all, it's an opportunity to live this next year to its fullest.

Here's to a blessed 2010 filled with happiness, love and lots of learning. (and hopefully a little Burkey baby)

Cheers!

So-so ultrasound news

2009-12-24T11:33:00.001-05:00

First things first -- Merry Christmas Eve! Here's to work going quickly, the sleet holding off and a blessed holiday with friends and family.

Well, Brent and I made it to the 9 a.m. appointment. Right before we walked in, we sat in the Tracker. I muttered a few prayers under my breath, trying to calm my anxiety. I'm still convinced my heart was trying to escape.

Ultrasound technician Tim took us back almost immediately, even though we were 10 minutes early. He asked how I was feeling, if there were any changes. I smiled and said not really. "I'm hoping for good news from you, Tim."

"Well, from your smile, I'm hoping to give that to you," he replied.

I sat in the reclined chair contraption, he squirted on the jelly and there was the baby.
With a heartbeat of 167 bpm. (Oh, thank you, God, I whispered.)

Now for the slightly disheartening part. The ugly clot is still there; it's just a radically different shape. Instead of being clumped together around the gestational sac, it's now an hourglass shape. Part is down below, which is good because it's slowly spotting out. The part is still next to the baby.

No one can tell us what that means, really. And the things it could be are endless -- more active bleeding, no extra bleeding, it's coming out, it's staying the same, etc. -- and annoying. We're still considered a high-risk pregnancy, and we're still on the wait-and-see plan. Comforting, huh?

We're about 10-and-a-half weeks right now. Our next appointment Jan. 6 -- 9:20 a.m. ultrasound, 9:45 a.m. regular ob appointment that was previously scheduled. Tim said either the clot will disappear over the next two weeks, or I will bleed out and miscarry. That's at least what usually happens.

Then again, "usual" percentages haven't been on our side in 2009, which could be a good thing. As Brent said, at least our next appointment is in 2010 and it just has to be a better year.

Twelve more hours

2009-12-23T21:08:00.000-05:00

I've lost count of how many ultrasounds we've had so far with this pregnancy. But each is never as important as the looming one, that's for sure.

Our next one is at 9 a.m. tomorrow, Christmas Eve.

I'm prepared for the clot getting a little bigger.
I'm expecting to see that little flickering heartbeat.
I'm praying to see no clot at all.

In my heart, I know I have to be ready for the worst. We've been through it before.
But I don't know anyone in his or her right mind who can mentally plan for the death of their child.
And, so, I refuse to.

Merry Christmas, everybody

2009-12-22T20:20:00.001-05:00

Since I'm pretty much bound to the house, Brent and I have been able to get a lot of Christmas decorations up.
It's amazing how a little bit of garland and the smell of pine can make the whole house cheery.

How great was that snowstorm?

2009-12-22T08:28:00.000-05:00

I must admit that I didn't believe the weatherpeople. They've been wrong before, and they'll be wrong again.

Not this time! With inches of snow falling, hubby and I snuggled in for a snowday. We watched movies, baked cookies and played with puppy in the snow. She L-O-V-E-D the snowbanks. While Brent did all the heavy lifting clearing our walkway, Lucy ran up and down the streets licking the snow and plowing into snowbanks. She'd disappear, and then her little head would pop out of the pristine snow. Hilarious/

The part that knocked my boots off? We awoke Sunday morning to our next-door neighbors snowblowing our sidewalk and driveway! What wonderful neighbors we have! We're so blessed to have them.

I jumped out of bed before Mass, and quickly baked banana bread for them. It was the least I could do as they braved the wind and below-freezing temperatures!

Take a peek

2009-12-21T20:19:00.000-05:00

The ultrasound two weeks ago was nearly perfect. (Nearly, because we still have the dumb clot.)

I am kicking myself for not asking for a printout picture, though. The baby was lying on its back, squirming away. While still in black and white, the profile of the little guy or gal was perfect. We could see the heart fluttering, the legs kicking and the hands waving.

This time, it was still a miracle to see that little bean wriggling around. However, the baby was on the side, looking inside out through my belly. We could see one arms underneath the head, and the other arm was rubbing his or her face. So sweet!

For the past bit, I've tried to scan in the photo. It's not working. Grr... I'll keep trying and hopefully post the photo later.

Delayed reaction

2009-12-20T20:19:00.000-05:00

So, it's Sunday night, and waaaay past Thursday when we had the ultrasound. Sorry for the delay.

Tim, the ultrasound technician, greeted us with his coke-bottle glasses and weary smile, as he walked us back to the room. He squeezed the cold jelly on my tummy, and placed the doppler on top.

He found a heartbeat. A heartbeat with 171 beats per minute, which is the same as a week ago.
(VICTORY!)

But, he also found the hematoma. And a bigger hematoma at that. Turns out, it grew a centimeter.
(CRAP)

Tim told us that he's seen women with hematomas this large before. Some have made it to term, so have not. He asked if we wanted to come back in a week to check on the mass again or wait two weeks.

Brent fielded that question for me. "Next week. I don't care if it's Christmas Eve."

So ... 9 a.m. Dec. 24 it is. Praying that this little miracle continues to fight for his or her life. Praying that this stupid blood clot starts receding. Praying that we make it to July.

Going crazy much?

2009-12-16T07:00:00.001-05:00

Multitasking. It's a beautiful art that not only lets us live life to the fullest, but also drives us crazy. The more you multitask, the more you think. The more you think, the harder your brain works. I truly think around the holidays that our brains double, even triple in size.

With all of the work, shopping, wrapping, budgeting and other verbings I'm forgetting, I believe it.

Now, hubby and I have added a baby. My body has added a subchorionic hematoma. And now my baby and hematoma are sharing my uterus. Let's just hope that ultrasound shows a smaller or no blood clot on Thursday. (Fingers, toes, legs, arns and eyeballs are crossed.)

In the meantime, I'm celebrating all of the good pregnancy symptoms (nausea, tenderness, growing pains) and cringing at the bad (crampiness). I think I'm one of the only people right now who gets excited when I feel like I'm going to vomit my jelly toast. And I'm OK with that.

The rant about the neighbor

2009-12-15T18:21:00.000-05:00

You'll read this and go, "yeah, that's Laura." I'm not sure if that's a good thing, though.

I wanted to bring you up to speed on a past promised blog post. So, our neighbor. He's one of two people I loathe (not hate, but loathe). The German has a thick accent and has his property all buttoned up complete with lots of fences, blinds and no one ever (and I mean ever) goes outside. Another neighbor has told me that he doesn't allow his wife to drive, too. Although, that's just hearsay.

On that note, though: He has five cars. Five. And do you think they all fit in his driveway? No.

That same neighbor who I mentioned earlier has a few bird feeders in their front yard. It's quite nice to hear the chirping, but not so nice to see blobs of white and blue poo all over my black car. Except, I don't really let that bother me.

Our German friend across the street, however, does. So, he parks three cars in his driveway, one in front of our driveway across the street and the other in front of our house. Just typing that last clause raised my blood pressure by a few ticks. He thinks he owns the neighborhood, so he can do whatever his big pot-bellied, hair-chested brain wants. (And trust me, this is no Santa Claus.)

Well, it happened. I backed out of our driveway, slid on the ice and gently tapped his disgusting Volvo. Then, panicked, I drove away. As I caught my breath, I called my husband to own up to what happened. It appeared that I had woken the cops reporter in him, and he got upset.

"Do you know you could be charged with a hit and run?"

Whoops. Luckily, he quickly scribbled a note and ran outside to drop the note at the scene of the crime. (Phew, disaster and jail time averted.)

Now, I just wait for our rates to go up. In the meantime, I'm parking in his spot.

Our ultrasound that melted my heart

2009-12-15T07:36:00.001-05:00

We only got to see Morgan alive at six weeks, four days. When we saw this child, he or she is about nine weeks and so much bigger! It was unreal. When Brent and I headed to the ultrasound room, the tech zoomed in on our little one.

The baby was furiously kicking her legs and moving her arms, almost like she was waving to us! Then, all of a sudden, the baby bounced. I kid you not. The baby scrunched up and bounded upward.

What a miracle. What an incredible site to see this child doing this. (I think she gets her moves from me.)

When I was talking to a friend about this, she goes, "Well, you have a fighter in there." She couldn't be more correct. After all, this baby is a Randisi/Burkey. Did I expect anything less? And this baby is fighting for his or her life, so there's no way in hell I'm giving up on him.

No more sadness. No more downtrodden, what-if thoughts. God will take care of this child. And we will greet him or her with open arms in July 2010.

The midwife steps up

2009-12-14T19:22:00.001-05:00

"Hi, I'm Felicia, and I'll be your midwife today."

Stealing a look toward Brent, I rolled my eyes. I don't want to see a midwife. I want a D-O-C-T-O-R. I turned off my disgruntled expression, as she looked up from my chart. She asked me to explain what happened the night before in detail, asked if I was still bleeding (yes) and then walked over to me.

She took a look and explained that my cervix was never indeed open, and I was never dilated. It's a common mistake that ER doctors make in their hasty peek since they're not used to that sort of thing everyday. (great)

Felicia explained a little about what happened, what a subchorionic hematoma is and reassuringly said that my uterus felt the right size for around nine weeks! (The hematoma is when blood vessels break when the baby is implanting. If it blocks the area where the baby switches from the yolk sac and grabs onto the placenta, a miscarriage occurs.)

Then, Felicia said she'd make a deal with me. Using a doppler, she thought she'd be able to find the baby's heartbeat. BUT, if she was unable, I had to promise not to get distraught. I hesitantly looked at her and said, "I'm a little fragile to say the least right now. But I'd like you to try."

Brent shot me an incredulous glance. We had previously decided not to listen only because we didn't want to add more worry to the situation than already existed. I just had a feeling that she'd find it though.

Within 10 seconds, we heard the glorious lub-dubs coming from my belly. It was in the 170s. Perfect. I grabbed for Brent's hand, and we tearfully smiled at each other. Soon after I was dressed, we were sent downstairs to the ultrasound room. The technician, Tim, wanted to get a baseline for the hematoma. (He didn't trust the ER's reports, and that was fine by me.)

The unfortunate part was that the hematoma had gotten bigger from the night before, so it's a little more worrisome now. He said if it gets any bigger, a miscarriage is most likely imminent. So, now it's bed rest for me. No lifting, no walking, no running, no nothing. And that's fine by me because it's about our baby now.

And now we're officially considered a high-risk pregnancy. So, we will need weekly ultrasounds to monitor things. On the up side, we'll get to see our little one more than ever now! Every Thursday, we'll make sure that heart is fluttering away.

We arrived to the official appointment

2009-12-14T07:15:00.001-05:00

On Thursday morning, we arrived at the doctor's office still bleary-eyed and depressed about the night before. The nurse cheerfully brought us into her office to give us the rundown on prenatal care, the cost and jot down our family histories. She said congratulations and asked us if this was planned.

I looked at Brent, eyes wider than my face. As the nurse waited for an answer, I turned back to her overly happy face and her lipstick-stained teeth.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked. "What is going on? We were in the ER last night, and now we're having a conversation about a baby that might or might not still be alive inside of me. I need you to help me!"

Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I started shaking all over again. (Then, I just felt badly for the unsuspecting victim of my stress.) She fumbled for the mouse and clicked away trying to find my charts from the emergency room.

"Looks like everything is fine," she cautiously said, as she looked up from her keyboard. "You have a subchorionic hematoma, but the baby is OK."

Then, Brent teared up. WHAT? (OK, breathe.)

She finished up the paperwork with us, threw a bunch of freebies into a canvas bag and ushered us into the officially appointment. At the end, all she good stammer was a "good luck."

Luck? After this crappy year, we're going to need more than luck.

Catching up since the last post

2009-12-13T19:15:00.000-05:00

I just re-read the last blog post about our first appointment. Unfortunately, a lot happened 12 hours before we even got there.

It all started with a snow/ice storm that led to me sliding into our jerk neighbor's Volvo, which he parks in front of our driveway. (More of a rant on that later. Trust me, I have lots to say.)

A half-hour into a friend's birthday celebration at a local restaurant, I realized I was bleeding. I won't go into the horrid details, but I began hemorrhaging. I (in hindsight stupidly) drove myself to the hospital with Brent on the cell phone trying to calm me down. That's all we'd need is me getting into an accident on top of everything.

After tests and taking blood and more tests, I was wheeled into an ultrasound room for a sonagram. Expecting that I had lost our child, the technician suddenly told us we had a fetus with a heart beating at 174 beats per minute.

What?

You have a baby with a heartbeat.

After six hours in the emergency room, the ER doctor gave me discharge papers. Confused? Yeah, so were we. He told me to go home, relax and go the scheduled appointment the next morning. This was after that same man told us I passed the baby, I was dilated and hemorrhaging. You can imagine our disbelief.

In bed that night, all we could do was pray.

The first doctor appointment

2009-12-09T18:02:00.001-05:00

Thursday morning we head to the doctor for the same appointment that we actually made it to with Morgan. It's the one where the nurse practitioner asks a million and one questions in her cushy office.

Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you have depression? Do any of these 3,000 diseases listed here run in your family?

Then comes the fun part, though. We get all sorts of baby magazines, freebies, products to try and a ton of paperwork. Thank goodness they give you a canvas tote bag to bring it all home. Now, we did receive all of this with Morgan, but I threw all of the freebies and information out in a fit of fury. (Whoops)

After the chat, the doctor takes a look and so begins the question-and-answer session. This poor doctor has no idea what's going hit her when I get in there. Couple being a naturally inquisitive journalist with a past of a miscarriage ...

It's arrived!

2009-12-08T15:03:00.001-05:00

We are officially grown-ups.

No, graduating from college,
moving out on my own to another state,
heading to the altar and
now pregnancy has not achieved this status.

Our queen-sized headboard makes us grown-ups.

After waiting five weeks and logging plenty of phone calls to Sleep Mattress (don't go there), it came in! I'll put up another photo of it actually on the bed, but here is what it looks like.

It's Chester Heaboard in Creme Brulee Finish. Maybe we were just hungry when we bought it.

Something in common

2009-12-07T15:03:00.000-05:00

After the doctor said to take it easy until we make it to 12 weeks, I've (unfortunately) been sucked into reality television. I know, I know. I should be reading ("The Man Who Was Thursday," for example), but sometimes it's more fun to lose yourself in trashy TV.

Enter the Real Housewives of New Jersey. As soon as I wrote that hour of my life as lost forever, one of the women talked about having five miscarriages.

Since that episode, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Read about it here.

(And please tell me I'm not the only Bravo fan here.)

Turning the focus to hubby

2009-12-03T06:08:00.001-05:00

Lately, hubby has been more than sick. We're still not sure if it was a really mean bug or if it's stress-related. (Although, I have a feeling it's the latter.)

As he sat on the table, the doctor asked him to talk a little about what's going on. Where to start? Could it be all of the breaking news on the manufacturing beat? Or the miscarriage in September? Maybe the situation we're in right now with our second child?

Nah, it's probably the just the impending holidays.

Sending feel-better vibes Brent's way.

Losing my mind

2009-12-02T12:34:00.000-05:00

I knew having -- or better trying for -- a baby would be an anxiety-ridden experience. But, I didn't know I signed for all that has happened. I am ready now. I'm prepared for the worst, I'm praying for the best and I know I'll survive. What's that saying? What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Back to my point -- the doctor put me on restrictions. He didn't necessarily say I'm a high-risk patient, but that I'm "somebody to watch." What does this mean?

No shopping.
No carrying heavy bags.
No lifting.
No running.
No excessive movement.
No working out.

And now, folks, I am losing my mind. I literally think my arm fat has doubled. And, I am not known to exaggerate.(I don't think.)

Looks like Brent has Lucy-walking duties, and presents will be bought online this year.

It's all OK ... for now

2009-11-29T12:00:00.000-05:00

On our way south from Berrysburg, I called the emergency number. The same doctor we've been meeting with the past few times was on-call. Thank goodness.

He returned my phone call asking why the heck was I calling him? I explained the problem and that the bleeding had pretty much stopped by now. He sighed. I couldn't interpret what that meant. He told me to call the office tomorrow and schedule another ultrasound.

"Laura, if it gets worse, and I know you know the drill by now, call me back." (Not the words I wanted to hear exactly.) "Stay off your feet and relax, you hear?"

Brent and I were in store for another sleepless night.

The appointment was at 2:10 p.m. Friday. Nervously, I spouted prayers from heart as we drove to the office. As we walked in hand-in-hand, the sun came out for a split second. I took it as a sign. I need it to be a sign.

The same technician who told us about Morgan's passing called my name to come back. Crap, I thought to myself. This guy is bad luck. I want the woman who gave us the good news on Wednesday. Where is she???

I laid back in the unforgettable brown fake-leather chair. He pulled out the jelly as I lifted up my sweater slightly. Brent took his position to my right squeezing the feeling from the left hand.

Technician: "There's the egg sac."
Laura: "And there's no baby, right?"
T: "Wait a minute. Here's the baby ..."
L: "With no heartbeat, right?"
T: "... and there's the little heartbeat going about 128 beats per minute."

He said there's really no explanation of why the red bleeding occurred. But, he said, there is a 2 percent chance of having a miscarriage after seeing the baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound. My eleation subsided. So ... that's what happened with Morgan? We saw the heartbeat at six weeks, four days. The baby died at eight weeks, six days.

He just told us our baby is six weeks, four days. My heart sank a little more. He said that the first objective was to make it past the point of the miscarriage. And the second, to make it to the second trimester.

Is it possible that we've used up all of our blessings and good luck? For the sake of this child, I pray not.

Still breathing: Part II

2009-11-29T07:30:00.001-05:00

After the harrowing rollercoaster Wednesday morning, we thought we'd step off the platform and head to Berrysburg for a little Thanksgiving festivities. After two hours of traffic and a quick detour of sorts, we arrived just in time for dinner and with great news for my in-laws.

Thursday morning started off with the boys going hunting for small game, and Sally and I preparing the feast. It went off without a hitch, and we even took a little time out to watch the Macy's Day Parade.

The guys returned windblown and satisfied, and Brent's Ma and Marlin arrived 45 minutes early. (We expected them at 12:30 p.m.) I called my family at 3 to see how the Randisi Thanksgiving was without their favorite daughter. (Turns out, they were fine. Ha!)

I quickly ran to the bathroom ... and my holiday happiness came to a screeching hault. Blood. Red blood. A lot of it. The kind that the docs tell you is fatal. I nearly lost conciousness. Everything was fine yesterday. Everything. The baby's heart was beating 130 beats per minute, the ultrasound looked normal. What is going on?!

I called for Brent as evenly as I could, but he sprinted up the stairs, his eyes wild with worry. He took one look at my face, packed everything up including the dog. We said quick good-byes and hurried out the door destined for York.

Please don't let this be the same fate as Morgan. Please.

Deep breath followed by a deep breath followed by ...

2009-11-28T19:33:00.000-05:00

I have a lot to catch you up on, but I have no idea where to start. How about I'll take on a made-for-TV-movie journey? It has its ups, its downs and I'm sure I could add a little sappy music into the mix.

First things first, let's shout the happy news. We're nearly seven weeks pregnant!! But the last five days have been the most nerve-wracking. Now, that you know the story has a happy ending ...

Starting chronologically:
Monday night:
I have a little bit of spotting.
Tuesday morning:
8 a.m.: I call the practice. The nurse tells me to get a blood test to measure the hcG level, aka the pregnancy hormone. She says to call back by 3 p.m., and they'll have the results.
9 a.m.: I arrive at work sick to my stomach with worry.
3 p.m.: I call for the results. Seems they aren't in yet, so I am told to call back at 4.
4 p.m: An hour later, still no results. Call back in a hour, they say.
5 p.m.: Nope. They ask for my phone number, so they can call me when it's in. The practice closes at 5:30 p.m.
5:25 p.m.: My phone rings. The results? 805,521. Nearly four times the normal amount. The nurse is breathless on the phone saying she's never seen numbers this high. (Great.) I ask if I should be worried? She said no, it means that I must have more than one baby. (Phew) She says she'll forward the results to the doctors, and I'll get a call by 2 p.m.
7:30 p.m.: The head of the practice's nuse calls. They're worried. That number is too high, she says. It means only one thing -- a molar pregnancy. She tells me to come in at 10:50 a.m. Wednesday for an emergency ultrasound. From there, they will decide when to administer the chemo. (CHEMO?!?)
7:35 p.m.: I jump on the computer and Google molar pregnancy. Read here for the horrifying results. (Think miscarriage, cancer, chemotherapy, no more trying for a baby for at least a year. My worst nightmare.)
Wednesday:
8 a.m.: Arrive at work terrified, but in need of putting the magazine to bed.
10:55 a.m.: Brent and I are called back for the dreaded ultrasound. We enter the same room, where we were a little more than two months ago and saw Morgan was dead.
11 a.m.: The technician tells us the baby is healthy, the placenta is healthy, the ovaries are healthy and THERE'S NO MOLAR PREGNANCY!!

I think Brent and I nearly fainted from the good news. After meeting with the doctor, he goes over the possibilities: Either there's a partial molar pregnancy undetectable on ultrasound or there was a lab error. He says that if it's the former, we'd need to meet with a maternal and fetal specialist as well as a cancer doctor so he can immediately begin administering chemotherapy. In the back of my head, I thought to myself that we just saw a healthy baby and there's no way I'm terminating the healthy baby.

2 p.m.: The doctor calls. The lab results were wrong. My level is at 30,000. I asked her to repeat that. There was a gross error at the lab. (Ya think?)

I've never thanked God more in my life. And the adventure wasn't over there. Stay tuned.

Fatherhood just comes instinctively

2009-11-22T17:53:00.000-05:00

Never thought I'd enjoy visiting a graveyard. All of the superstitious ghost tales and creepy ghouls hanging around. At least, that's just one scenario that played out in my head.

That was all before we lost Morgan, though.

After Mass, Brent and I visited our little angel in heaven. It was a beautiful Sunday with the sun shining on our backs and the birds chirping in the trees. Tears still well up when I look at the beautiful grave, but it's strangely comforting, too.

Want to know the part that really choked me up? We were standing side-by-side, staring down at the plaque. I was silently saying a prayer, when Brent starts walking toward the car. He mumbled something as he stepped over the other graves, but I was too absorbed in talking to Morgan to hear him.

He returns with a bottle of water from the car and pulls a crumbled paper towel from his jacket pocket. Gently kneeling beside Morgan, Brent began to wipe the mud and grass away from the grave.

A father taking care of his child ...

I hugged him, we kissed Morgan's grave and headed home to our puppy.

Ahh.. the sweet smell of paint

2009-11-22T17:41:00.000-05:00

It seems like I have caught every cold and flu bug so far this season. And it's only November.

In other news, I finally tackled our bedroom this weekend. The dingy white walls have been traded in for apple, as in green apple. Two coats later, and the room actually looks quite spiffy. But why is it that home-improvement projects are always more complicated than originally planned?

The painting went swimmingly, but I guess I just couldn't contain my excited brush and roller strokes. Because, I also splashed Apple on the windows, the window panes, the hardwood floors and the ceiling. Nothing a little white can't cover, right?

Right. Except, the white paint found in our garage is different from the white paint in the room. Soooo... now the room has fresh trim and windows. (I'm ignoring the ceiling. Who looks up when they enter a room anyway?)

PS. The picture definitely does not do it justice. You'll just have to stop by to see it :)

To get the vaccine or not to get the vaccine?

2009-11-18T18:38:00.000-05:00

I've been reading up on the famous swine flu vaccine lately. (Mostly because I'm a journalist, and there are stories literally everywhere about it.) Those in the high-risk groups - children, pregnant women, elderly - are required to get the shot. If I were pregnant, I don't know if I'd get it.

Most stories I've heard about the normal flu vaccine is that those people end up catching that same strain. The coughing, the aches, the vomiting. I've never gotten a flu vaccine before, and I think I'd rather just keep taking my chances.

The funny thing is at my women's healthcare center, you have to "pregnant enough" to get the H1N1 vaccine. What does that mean? You have to be in your third trimester. So, I guess all of those news reports should start qualifying which pregnant women are in the high-risk group.

Anyway, here's an article I read about the vaccine's link to miscarriages. I must admit that I did think about that, so I did seek out the information. Here's another article by Boston Family Life.

What do you think? Would you get it, or just take your chances?

Fame comes in all shapes and sizes

2009-11-17T08:00:00.002-05:00

As you already know, my dad is involved with the Gabriel Network, which helps homeless women choose life for their unborn child. Well, the organization is opening a new maternity home in Baltimore city. Volunteers have come out of the woodwork literally to clean, organize, paint and otherwise fix up this purchased home to make it suitable for moms-to-be in the coming months.

My dad is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of person. Well, he also got down and dirty the other day. And the Catholic Review (Baltimore's version of our Catholic Witness publication) caught it all in print. Read the story here, and check it out below.

Did you know curiosity killed the cat?

2009-11-16T20:58:00.000-05:00

Lucy and I were on a walk the other day around our neighborhood. There's a family who lives down the block with three children and a pit-bull/boxer mix puppy named Sirus. Let me tell you, they are one of our favorite neighbors.

As we passed their house, the mom, dad and their youngest daughter, Rachel, were outside raking leaves. Although, they didn't seem to making much progress given the huge maple trees on their property.

We got to talking, and the dad asked if Brent and I had any children.
"Uh, no," I said caught off-guard.
"Oh, do you want kids?" he asked
"Yes, definitely." I racked my brain, trying to change the subject. Question. Think of a question. "So, where do you work?"
-- No dice. He was like a dog with a bone. --
"Why don't you have kids now, then?" He was just staring at me leaning carelessly against his rake. I blankly stared back with anxiety sliding into chest.
"Well," I said as I cleared my throat, "we lost our first child not too long ago, so ... " I trailed off.
Without missing a beat, he replied, "You're not going to stop, are you? Keep trying."

I smiled. Here's this nosy neighbor giving me baby-making advice. Awesome.

"Laura, wanna know the best way to have a baby?" (Not really, I thought to myself.) "Have someone get laid off, fall behind on your bills and rack up credit card debt. That's how we had three kids."

So, here's to having a baby. And I thought buying a house was diving into enough debt.

Calling all husbands and wives

2009-11-12T17:45:00.000-05:00

I follow a few miscarriage blogs by women in the throes of sadness or venturing into the let's-try-again realm. Anyway, I saw this story about increasing a man's fertility. Read it here. (Warning: Might be too much information.)

On another note, there are tons of information in the .com world that offer tips to conceiving. My one girlfriend seems to have read all of those tips, and she's bringing me up to speed. (Although, getting pregnant wasn't really our problem. I wish there were fail-safe ways to keep a child.)

Tips for MEN:

Keep laptops off your laps while working to avoid the heat produced by the computer.
Put the tightie-whities away and opt for boxers or boxer briefs.
Kick the cigarrette habit, not only for yourself, but for your family.

Tips for WOMEN:

Start taking folic acid now. Many women's vitamins already contain it, but check the label. Folic acid is thought to help defend against neural tube defect.
Slowly wean yourself off caffeine, as it can cause harmful effects to a growing baby. (Honestly, I stopped drinking my daily Diet Coke because my taste buds changed. The bubbles give me heartburn.)
Some women monitor their ovulation, but taking their basal temperature everyday before rising from bed. Your temperature rises about .5 degrees when you ovulate. (I never tried this, but my girlfriend swears by it.)

For BOTH:

Exercise at least three or four times a week.
Eat healthy. That means picking up more fruits and veggies, and less chips. (Definitely a toughie in the Burkey household.)
Make love every other day during your fertile period. That is usually eight days after the first day of your period and continues for about seven to 10 days, depending on the length of your cycle.
Don't obsess. I think when couples are trying to conceive, it's easy to fall into robot-mode. TTC shouldn't suck the fun out of the adventure.

P-A-R-T-Y? Because Tom's engaged!

2009-11-09T16:35:00.000-05:00

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but my littler brother's engaged. Can you believe it? Hit bit the bullet and is officially off the market. I know, I know, ladies. Yes, he's quite attractive (creepy to write), but he's picked his flower from the fields.

And Saturday night we painted the town red. As in red wine, that is. Tom and Jess' engagement party was at Cafe Troia in Towson. Mom and Dad pulled out all the stops (after all, if it's worth doing, do it right!). Brent and I arrived early to steal a little one-on-one time with the fam. Soon, her family trickled into the beautiful restaurant. And, then the volume rose as my family piled in. We feasted on butterfly lambchops, the largest shrimp I've seen on a stick, crabballs (did you expect anything less?) and, of course, wine. Brent's favorite was actually the Italian beer. (I'll have to remember that one.)

My dad gave his welcome speech (he's known for his words), and then we played this great ice-breaker game. It sounds a little corny, but bear with me.

Mom and Dad put one fact about each person in attendance. Then, the index cards were divvied up. Jess' family members had facts about us, and we, them. The object of the exercise was to find the person who was on your card. It was hilarious. I think some people there didn't even know the fact was about them. (Present company included. Oops.)

Anyway, we rolled home to the Burkey household around 11:30 that night -- bellies full and faces hurting from the laughing. It's refreshing to celebrate good news lately. Cheers!

Isn't that obvious?

2009-11-05T17:21:00.000-05:00

Here's just a quick post from a link I found.
Did you know that traffic pollution can lead to a miscarriage? Yeah, I thought you did.

But this article is based on scientific fact with smarty-pants know-it-alls who spent lots of time and money figuring it out. Maybe, that's a little harsh.

One thing I did find interesting:

The study, which included 400 women having IVF treatment in Brazil, found that those who became pregnant in winter, when pollution levels are particularly high, were twice as likely to miscarry in the first eight weeks as those who conceived at other times of the year.

My main problem is that most miscarriages occur in the first eight weeks any time of the year. Sure, Morgan passed away at nine weeks, but that's close enough. And the study was based in fertility treatments of 400 women. Wouldn't you expect a little more info?

... and my second impression

2009-11-04T10:48:00.002-05:00

Just to give you an idea of how the rest of the Mass went on All Souls Day, roughly 75 names were read aloud and 40 families were there from the parish. As each name was called, a family member could come to the front of the church where a single yellow rose was given to them.

Morgan's name was toward the end of the list. And even though I followed along on the program, when the name was read aloud, my heart dropped.

"Morgan Ashland Burkey."

Brent and I stood up, walked hand-in-hand to Fr. Louis. I kept my eyes steady on the flower, hoping to strangle the sobs rising in my chest. Then, the priest shook our hands, looked deep into our eyes and said, "Peace be with both of you." It seems cliche to read it now, but if you would have heard his voice, you would know that each person's death put a chink in his armour, too.

My Mom and Dad, who have been my other rocks, sat next to us in the pew. As we plopped back down, Mom looked at me with a huge smile and said, "That's the best rose. It's the biggest!" As tears rolled down our faces, I looked back and told her that it's only the best for Morgan!

Isn't that the truth? For children, no matter how old or young or well-behaved, they always deserve the best. And I simply can't wait for that chance.

First impressions of All Souls Day

2009-11-03T14:01:00.002-05:00

All Souls Day was more beautiful than I had imagined. Since I've never been to that Mass before, I'm not really sure what I imagined. Probably a bunch of sadsacks sitting in the pews more out of obligation than purpose.

Instead it was a church full of believers who never knew their lives would intertwine with the others in the pews, who never realized the depths of despair had so much company. Father Louis, St. Joe's pastor, opened his homily with an admission of speechlessness. What could he say? He's happy to be celebrating a Mass that scratches open pussing wounds? Instead he touched generally on the lives of those who passed from November 2008 to November 2009. Some were grandparents who had lived life to the fullest, others were parents who had passed on their wisdom to their adult children, a few were accidental deaths where relatives were ripped suddenly from this Earth. And then ... then he talked about children. And in particular one innocent infant who never took his first breath. He spoke of Morgan. My Morgan.

A sticky ball of twine lodged in my throat. I just kept swallowing and breathing and swallowing. The cactus-like lump wouldn't budge. Until, my wonderful husband snatched my hand and tightly squished my shaking fingers into his warm palm.

Fr. Louis spoke about Jesus' love and how we might not be able to have those people returned to us, but we can ask for understanding from Him. Love? How could I love when my heart has hardened? But then I remembered that some day I will hold Morgan. And in the meantime, our child is watching over us. Strange perhaps, but it gives me comfort knowing he is near.