Today, I'm heading to Ze Mean Bean in Fells Point, Md., to see my high school girlfriends, Clare and Kathryn. I can't believe I've known them for practically 14 years. Oy, I feel old.
They know the news, but I haven't seen them in forever!
Jazz Brunch here I came. (Sans mimosas.)
January 30, 2010
January 29, 2010
Couldn't wait any longer
Gulp. I just couldn't wait any longer. I'm anxious and antsy and impatient. (And, yes, I realize this needs mastering with the impending arrival of a child.) But I still have five or six months.
Our original appointment was scheduled for Feb. 8. The time was perfect: 8:20 a.m. for the ultrasound and 8:40 a.m. for the regular OB appointment. Like I said, I couldn't wait that long.
Here's the thing -- I was supposed to see the doc in four weeks. Four weeks from our last appointment would be Feb. 3. So, really, the Feb. 8 date was past the date they wanted to see me. (This is me rationalizing.)
After debating and obsessing and talking it over with a few close friends, I bet the bullet and called.
"Hi, I don't know if Feb. 8 will work for me. (white lie. Something could come up.) Is there an appointment the week of Feb. 1 perhaps?"
After the extremely patient receptionist (and I mean that sincerely) informed me that it would be difficult to find two appointments back-to-back, she did the what seemed like impossible.
We get to peek at our little pumpkin at 8:50 a.m. Feb. 3. (The OB one is at 9:15.)
Let the real obsessing and worrying and anxiety begin.
Our original appointment was scheduled for Feb. 8. The time was perfect: 8:20 a.m. for the ultrasound and 8:40 a.m. for the regular OB appointment. Like I said, I couldn't wait that long.
Here's the thing -- I was supposed to see the doc in four weeks. Four weeks from our last appointment would be Feb. 3. So, really, the Feb. 8 date was past the date they wanted to see me. (This is me rationalizing.)
After debating and obsessing and talking it over with a few close friends, I bet the bullet and called.
"Hi, I don't know if Feb. 8 will work for me. (white lie. Something could come up.) Is there an appointment the week of Feb. 1 perhaps?"
After the extremely patient receptionist (and I mean that sincerely) informed me that it would be difficult to find two appointments back-to-back, she did the what seemed like impossible.
We get to peek at our little pumpkin at 8:50 a.m. Feb. 3. (The OB one is at 9:15.)
Let the real obsessing and worrying and anxiety begin.
January 27, 2010
Lucky? Never thought of that
A bit ago someone told me I was lucky.
Lucky? "Sure," I was told. "Lucky you are able to get pregnant so fast."
I'm not sure if luck in the baby department is really my speed.
No. 1) I bled, saw Morgan alive, then buried our first child. (There was a 2 percent chance of the baby dying after seeing him alive.)
No. 2) I bled, saw the baby alive, then was told we had a molar pregnancy. Then, was told it was a lab error. Then, was told we have a subchorionic hematoma that was growing larger with a 60 to 65 percent miscarriage liklihood. And now we seem to be on the upswing.
When I think of lucky people, I think of my brother who seems to be in the right place at the right time -- sharing town cars to the airport with famous athletes, catching homeruns at clutch baseball games, hitting it big when the blackjack tables are hot.
I consider our latest journey an exercise in faith. I feel blessed to have the people I have around me. I know I am blessed to have this healthy baby growing. And I hope I am blessed to give birth in July. (Just not on July 23 or 24, if that's possible. Thanks)
Lucky? "Sure," I was told. "Lucky you are able to get pregnant so fast."
I'm not sure if luck in the baby department is really my speed.
No. 1) I bled, saw Morgan alive, then buried our first child. (There was a 2 percent chance of the baby dying after seeing him alive.)
No. 2) I bled, saw the baby alive, then was told we had a molar pregnancy. Then, was told it was a lab error. Then, was told we have a subchorionic hematoma that was growing larger with a 60 to 65 percent miscarriage liklihood. And now we seem to be on the upswing.
When I think of lucky people, I think of my brother who seems to be in the right place at the right time -- sharing town cars to the airport with famous athletes, catching homeruns at clutch baseball games, hitting it big when the blackjack tables are hot.
I consider our latest journey an exercise in faith. I feel blessed to have the people I have around me. I know I am blessed to have this healthy baby growing. And I hope I am blessed to give birth in July. (Just not on July 23 or 24, if that's possible. Thanks)
January 25, 2010
I should have waited
I'm at the point where I want to know what my baby is doing and how s/he is developing. I'm slowly working my was passed the what-if phase. So, I logged onto whattoexpect.com, which is a Web site that gives daily e-mail upates about your progressing pregnancy.
I entered my username and password. And then the screen popped up slapping me in the face.
"Congratulations! At 32 weeks, you're baby is moving and kicking like Muhammad Ali."
Right.
I just stared at the screen. Then I wildly searched for something to take me off this page. I didn't want to close the window because I'd eventually have to log back in and see an even farther along pregnancy.
I found the settings page. On it, there was "report a birth" and "report a miscarriage." I quickly clicked the latter button. Breathing again, I tried putting in my new due date. But page after page after page kept glaring at me as I tried to navigate the site.
"Dealing with a miscarriage"
"When your first hello means good-bye"
"How to grieve"
I should have waited perhaps to rejoin the pregnancy online world. But would that be fair to this new baby? Morgan will never leave my thoughts or my prayers. I still need to make room for this healthy child, though.
I entered my username and password. And then the screen popped up slapping me in the face.
"Congratulations! At 32 weeks, you're baby is moving and kicking like Muhammad Ali."
Right.
I just stared at the screen. Then I wildly searched for something to take me off this page. I didn't want to close the window because I'd eventually have to log back in and see an even farther along pregnancy.
I found the settings page. On it, there was "report a birth" and "report a miscarriage." I quickly clicked the latter button. Breathing again, I tried putting in my new due date. But page after page after page kept glaring at me as I tried to navigate the site.
"Dealing with a miscarriage"
"When your first hello means good-bye"
"How to grieve"
I should have waited perhaps to rejoin the pregnancy online world. But would that be fair to this new baby? Morgan will never leave my thoughts or my prayers. I still need to make room for this healthy child, though.
January 24, 2010
Making Lemonade
On Wednesday night, I traveled to Baltimore for the long-anticipated bridemaid dress fitting. Brent and I are in my brother's wedding, which is July 24. We're due July 19. See the predicament?
Naively, I thought this would be a grand ole time with the bridesmaids and, oh, won't it be fun to try on cute dresses.
"I was wrong" is the understatment of the year so far. (Good thing it's only January, right?)
Anyway, luckily my mom was there. I'm going to avoid divulging the painful details.
The key points were a) I left with no dress; b) there is no way I could have left with a dress because they don't make the dress big enough for a possibly nine-month-pregnant woman; c) I sobbed the whole way up I-83 on the phone with Brent and Megan.
Oh, the humanity! Thank goodness my future sister-in-law is a gracious, laid-back person. She said it was fine for me to find another maternity dress in silver, and then we could make a sash out of the hem from one of the girls' dresses.
So, I'm over the disappointment of having to be the odd-ball walking down the aisle. After all, how selfish is that? Everyone will be looking at Jess and Tom, not at the tent bouncing down the aisle, right? Right.
Now ... Mom and I are on the hunt for the perfect, tasteful wedding dress fit for a nine-month-pregnant or recent-newborn body. This should be interesting.
Naively, I thought this would be a grand ole time with the bridesmaids and, oh, won't it be fun to try on cute dresses.
"I was wrong" is the understatment of the year so far. (Good thing it's only January, right?)
Anyway, luckily my mom was there. I'm going to avoid divulging the painful details.
The key points were a) I left with no dress; b) there is no way I could have left with a dress because they don't make the dress big enough for a possibly nine-month-pregnant woman; c) I sobbed the whole way up I-83 on the phone with Brent and Megan.
Oh, the humanity! Thank goodness my future sister-in-law is a gracious, laid-back person. She said it was fine for me to find another maternity dress in silver, and then we could make a sash out of the hem from one of the girls' dresses.
So, I'm over the disappointment of having to be the odd-ball walking down the aisle. After all, how selfish is that? Everyone will be looking at Jess and Tom, not at the tent bouncing down the aisle, right? Right.
Now ... Mom and I are on the hunt for the perfect, tasteful wedding dress fit for a nine-month-pregnant or recent-newborn body. This should be interesting.
January 20, 2010
Carpe Diem!
I'm not usually a fan of e-mail forwards, but I thought I'd share. This came from one of my aunts:
To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who
Gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who
Has given birth to a premature baby
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one second:
Ask a person who
Has survived an accident.
To realize the value of a friend or family member:
Lose one.
Time waits for no one.
To realize
The value of a sister/brother
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who
Gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who
Has given birth to a premature baby
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one second:
Ask a person who
Has survived an accident.
To realize the value of a friend or family member:
Lose one.
Time waits for no one.
January 19, 2010
Success in the pants department
Oh, the joys of clothing that fits. I didn't realize how uncomfortable I was these past few weeks with unbuttoned and sometimes unzipped pants. I'd walk around the newsroom covering up the bulge with a heavy winter jacket. While the newsroom is on the chillier side, oftentimes the coat was overkill.
Mom and I enjoyed a scrumptious lunch at the Paper Moon (me, the Hella Portabella and mom the Turkey Powerhouse), then fought traffic to get to the mall. You'd think it was the week before Christmas!
We found Destination Maternity, which was a store split between A Pea in the Pod (which Seven jeans, yikes) and Motherhood (think Old Navy). After 30 pairs of pants and maybe a dozen shirts, I found the motherland. (pun intended)
We ended up with three pairs of unbelievably comfortable pants -- black, brown and gray -- and a cute blue sweater. (I know, I know, another blue item of clothing, but it's cute!) These pants feel like sweatpants. I think I might wear these forever and ever.
The highlight? The prosthetic belly!Yes, folks, I tried on a seven-month belly. Oh, let the hilarity ensue. It was a strap-on belly that showed you what the clothing would look like into the third trimester. It was a little shocking, I must admit. So, there was only one thing to do -- put it on mom!
Is it wrong that I think Mom looked cuter with the belly? hahahahaha .... these next five-and-a-half months are going to be quite a ride! And isn't Mom a good sport?
Mom and I enjoyed a scrumptious lunch at the Paper Moon (me, the Hella Portabella and mom the Turkey Powerhouse), then fought traffic to get to the mall. You'd think it was the week before Christmas!
We found Destination Maternity, which was a store split between A Pea in the Pod (which Seven jeans, yikes) and Motherhood (think Old Navy). After 30 pairs of pants and maybe a dozen shirts, I found the motherland. (pun intended)
We ended up with three pairs of unbelievably comfortable pants -- black, brown and gray -- and a cute blue sweater. (I know, I know, another blue item of clothing, but it's cute!) These pants feel like sweatpants. I think I might wear these forever and ever.
The highlight? The prosthetic belly!Yes, folks, I tried on a seven-month belly. Oh, let the hilarity ensue. It was a strap-on belly that showed you what the clothing would look like into the third trimester. It was a little shocking, I must admit. So, there was only one thing to do -- put it on mom!
Is it wrong that I think Mom looked cuter with the belly? hahahahaha .... these next five-and-a-half months are going to be quite a ride! And isn't Mom a good sport?
January 18, 2010
Taking the next step
It's official -- I have only two pairs of pants that fit. And by "fit," I mean fit on my hips but still unbuttoned.
So, I'm heading to Baltimore today for a shopping spree with Mom. As some of you might now, shopping doesn't exactly run in our genes. But, now it's necessary.
I must confess that I am a little nervous, only because I still fear the worst sometimes. But, this baby is growing, and so must my wardrobe.
I am looking forward to trying on maternity stuff, but as always I'm more excited for lunch! Haha
Mom and I are heading to the Paper Moon in Baltimore today. It's one of my favorite eclectic restaurants.
After that, we'll head to the Towson Town Mall to scope out the maternity stores -- A Pea in the Pod and Maternity Destination.
So, I'm heading to Baltimore today for a shopping spree with Mom. As some of you might now, shopping doesn't exactly run in our genes. But, now it's necessary.
I must confess that I am a little nervous, only because I still fear the worst sometimes. But, this baby is growing, and so must my wardrobe.
I am looking forward to trying on maternity stuff, but as always I'm more excited for lunch! Haha
Mom and I are heading to the Paper Moon in Baltimore today. It's one of my favorite eclectic restaurants.
After that, we'll head to the Towson Town Mall to scope out the maternity stores -- A Pea in the Pod and Maternity Destination.
January 17, 2010
Movie recommendation
Sometimes, I'm a little behind the movie curve. I can't even remember the last movie Brent and I saw in the theaters. (Could it have been the last "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie? How sad!)
A co-worker recommended newly released "Away We Go." It stars John Krasinski (the guy from "The Office") and Maya Rudolph. It's about a short period in the couple's life when they're world is thrown into upheaval. His parents announce they are leaving for Belgium a month before the baby is due. Flabbergasted, they retort that they only reason they moved to the area was so their daughter was close to her grandparents. (Her parents passed away when she was 22 years old.)
The story focuses on their plane trips to Arizona, Montreal and other places while they try to figure out where they wan to raise their child. I wasn't sure if Brent would like the movie, but surprisingly he did!
Even though my friend warned me about the saddest part, it still hit me like a freight train. There's a scene where Burt (Krasinski) and Verona (Rudolph) are at a club with their BFFs from college. Even though the couple had several adopted children, they were unable to have any of their own. The husband talks to Burt divulging his wife suffered her fifth miscarriage.
My breath caught in my throat. Five? Brent looked over at me and grabbed my hand as tears rolled down my face.
Then, the husband reflected upon it in an almost sterile manner. Not meanly, not uncaring, just honest perhaps.
"You get excited when you hear the news. You see them grow inside. And then ... then you just watch them fade away."
In body perhaps, but not in my heart, Morgan.
A co-worker recommended newly released "Away We Go." It stars John Krasinski (the guy from "The Office") and Maya Rudolph. It's about a short period in the couple's life when they're world is thrown into upheaval. His parents announce they are leaving for Belgium a month before the baby is due. Flabbergasted, they retort that they only reason they moved to the area was so their daughter was close to her grandparents. (Her parents passed away when she was 22 years old.)Even though my friend warned me about the saddest part, it still hit me like a freight train. There's a scene where Burt (Krasinski) and Verona (Rudolph) are at a club with their BFFs from college. Even though the couple had several adopted children, they were unable to have any of their own. The husband talks to Burt divulging his wife suffered her fifth miscarriage.
My breath caught in my throat. Five? Brent looked over at me and grabbed my hand as tears rolled down my face.
Then, the husband reflected upon it in an almost sterile manner. Not meanly, not uncaring, just honest perhaps.
"You get excited when you hear the news. You see them grow inside. And then ... then you just watch them fade away."
In body perhaps, but not in my heart, Morgan.
January 6, 2010
The verdict is in ...
Here's our little munchkin at 12 weeks and two days!
From what our doctor and ultrasound technician said it appears the clot is smaller. However, since it's changed shape so radically, it's difficult to assign a percentage. But, they say it looks smaller. It's also moved closer to the "exit," which is also good.
Our next appointment is 8:20 a.m. Feb. 8. Since we're still considered high-risk, we will have monthly ultrasounds in addition to ultrasounds to monitor the clot and the baby.
Our BFF Tim, the ultrasound technician, looked flabbergasted when he squirted the jelly and put on the sonographer. There was another tech in the room with him. They just said "wow" in unison. I stopped breathing.
WHAT? WHAT?
"It appears that the clot is nearly gone. Hrmph. Honestly, I was pessimistic and I thought we were going to need to plan another miscarriage surgery counseling."
I stared back at him. I had no clue that he was this down about it.
"Oh," I mumbled, trying to catch my breath. "Well, I guess that's the power of prayer."
He glanced my way and smiled, as he continued the examination. "You know, Tim," I said, "we're not the ones in control."
And I thank God for that.
From what our doctor and ultrasound technician said it appears the clot is smaller. However, since it's changed shape so radically, it's difficult to assign a percentage. But, they say it looks smaller. It's also moved closer to the "exit," which is also good.
Our next appointment is 8:20 a.m. Feb. 8. Since we're still considered high-risk, we will have monthly ultrasounds in addition to ultrasounds to monitor the clot and the baby.
Our BFF Tim, the ultrasound technician, looked flabbergasted when he squirted the jelly and put on the sonographer. There was another tech in the room with him. They just said "wow" in unison. I stopped breathing.
WHAT? WHAT?
"It appears that the clot is nearly gone. Hrmph. Honestly, I was pessimistic and I thought we were going to need to plan another miscarriage surgery counseling."
I stared back at him. I had no clue that he was this down about it.
"Oh," I mumbled, trying to catch my breath. "Well, I guess that's the power of prayer."
He glanced my way and smiled, as he continued the examination. "You know, Tim," I said, "we're not the ones in control."
And I thank God for that.
Oozing postivity
Yep, that's me. I'm heading to work early to get my publication to the presses, and then hubby and I are heading to the doctor. Again.
Please let their be a heartbeat.
Please let that bloody clot be smaller.
Please let us be in the second trimester.
I want to be able to tell my extended family. I want to be able to talk about it freely without prefacing comments. Hopefully, our buddy Tim will give us the for which news everyone has been diligently praying.
Please let their be a heartbeat.
Please let that bloody clot be smaller.
Please let us be in the second trimester.
I want to be able to tell my extended family. I want to be able to talk about it freely without prefacing comments. Hopefully, our buddy Tim will give us the for which news everyone has been diligently praying.
January 5, 2010
Forget the scanner
I'm officially throwing up my hands and improvising. I still can't get this new-fangled scanner/printer/copier/dishwashing all-in-one machine to scan the ultrasound pictures. Instead, I improvised and used the camera on my iPhone to take a picture of the pictures. Then, e-mailed it to myself, downloaded and saved the photos to my home computer's desktop and uploaded them here.
Whew, I'm exhausted. Really, it's a poor excuse for the photos looking a little rough around the edges. Meet our second Burkey baby!
The first picture is at seven weeks. The black oval is the gestational sac, the big white ball is the yolk sac (what the baby lives off until the umbilical cord forms around 12 weeks), and the baby is to the left. There's an arrow pointing to the fetus that says "baby."
And this our child at nine weeks, five days. The baby is on its side and the bright white marks are its chin/mouth, and the little arms. One arm is underneath the baby, and the other is in the process of wiping her face. Since this photo, we've seen the baby at 10 weeks, five days. Our next appointment is Wednesday, when the baby will be around 12 weeks, four days. On a bittwesweet note, the big black mass to the left is the blood clot.
Whew, I'm exhausted. Really, it's a poor excuse for the photos looking a little rough around the edges. Meet our second Burkey baby!
The first picture is at seven weeks. The black oval is the gestational sac, the big white ball is the yolk sac (what the baby lives off until the umbilical cord forms around 12 weeks), and the baby is to the left. There's an arrow pointing to the fetus that says "baby."
And this our child at nine weeks, five days. The baby is on its side and the bright white marks are its chin/mouth, and the little arms. One arm is underneath the baby, and the other is in the process of wiping her face. Since this photo, we've seen the baby at 10 weeks, five days. Our next appointment is Wednesday, when the baby will be around 12 weeks, four days. On a bittwesweet note, the big black mass to the left is the blood clot.
January 4, 2010
One more thing ...
In my previous Christmas post, I forgot to show off our very first handmade Burkey sign. Thanks, Cathy!
January 3, 2010
A belated Christmas post
Santa must have gotten me mixed up with another Laura Burkey this year. I had an unbelievable Christmas filled with awesome presents and more importantly, time with my close friends and family.
It started with a trek to Baltimore Christmas Eve with my dad's side, then back to York that night. Brent, Lucy and I awoke to our first Christmas in our new house complete with pumpkin bread and presents! Then, it was back to Baltimore to celebrate with my parents, brother and his fiance. And back to York that night. On Saturday (the next day), we partied with my mom's side thankfully in York.
It was a whirlwind, but what a great holiday! As always, it went too fast.
This was the Year of the Coats. Don't believe me?
Brent gave me this great black coat to replace my ratty, holey pea coat that has definitely seen better days.
My mom gave me this splendid red number that is funky, sassy and warm. Perfect for the drab winter days.
On top of it, I gave Brent a black pea coat for Christmas, without either of us knowing that we bought each other same gift! Mine was much better, though. Poor Brent.
And my mom gave my brother's fiance an awesome Northface jacket. Who knew?
It started with a trek to Baltimore Christmas Eve with my dad's side, then back to York that night. Brent, Lucy and I awoke to our first Christmas in our new house complete with pumpkin bread and presents! Then, it was back to Baltimore to celebrate with my parents, brother and his fiance. And back to York that night. On Saturday (the next day), we partied with my mom's side thankfully in York.
It was a whirlwind, but what a great holiday! As always, it went too fast.
This was the Year of the Coats. Don't believe me?
Brent gave me this great black coat to replace my ratty, holey pea coat that has definitely seen better days.
My mom gave me this splendid red number that is funky, sassy and warm. Perfect for the drab winter days.
On top of it, I gave Brent a black pea coat for Christmas, without either of us knowing that we bought each other same gift! Mine was much better, though. Poor Brent.
And my mom gave my brother's fiance an awesome Northface jacket. Who knew?
January 2, 2010
And, in the spirit of good luck
I present to you my first-ever New Year's Day pork and sauerkraut dish. (No applause needed. ha!)
It was simple, and I know, I know pretty much everyone told me it was simple. But, folks, you've never seen me cook. And if you have, no explanation is needed.
Anyway, the recipe from allrecipes.com was stick the pork roast in the Crock pot, pour sauerkraut over it, add caraway seeds and turn it on. Thanks to mom, she gave me the oh-so-necessary hint of heavily sprinkling brown sugar on top of the cabbage (ick) and add about a half-inch of water on the bottom. Four hours later, perfecto!
It was simple, and I know, I know pretty much everyone told me it was simple. But, folks, you've never seen me cook. And if you have, no explanation is needed.
Anyway, the recipe from allrecipes.com was stick the pork roast in the Crock pot, pour sauerkraut over it, add caraway seeds and turn it on. Thanks to mom, she gave me the oh-so-necessary hint of heavily sprinkling brown sugar on top of the cabbage (ick) and add about a half-inch of water on the bottom. Four hours later, perfecto!
P.S. In all honesty, the reason for my foray into the slow-cooking world was because my parents scooted off to Charleston, S.C., for a romantic and fun-filled New Year's. Next year, it's back to you, mom!
January 1, 2010
Come on, good luck
Brent and I rang in 2010 in style -- sweatpants, T-shirts and half-opened eyelids. I should specify. Brent had the opened eyes, and I had the closed eyes, so that makes it half-opened eyelids, right? I hit the hay around 10:30 p.m., which is pretty admirable considering I'm usually in dreamworld by 9. Anyway, we counted down with Ryan Seacrest (shudder) and Dick Clark (yikes!). Brent dutifully filled two champagne glasses with apple-cranberry sparkling cider and we kissed 2009 good-bye.
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