I should have waited

I'm at the point where I want to know what my baby is doing and how s/he is developing. I'm slowly working my was passed the what-if phase. So, I logged onto whattoexpect.com, which is a Web site that gives daily e-mail upates about your progressing pregnancy.

I entered my username and password. And then the screen popped up slapping me in the face.

"Congratulations! At 32 weeks, you're baby is moving and kicking like Muhammad Ali."

Right.

I just stared at the screen. Then I wildly searched for something to take me off this page. I didn't want to close the window because I'd eventually have to log back in and see an even farther along pregnancy.

I found the settings page. On it, there was "report a birth" and "report a miscarriage." I quickly clicked the latter button. Breathing again, I tried putting in my new due date. But page after page after page kept glaring at me as I tried to navigate the site.

"Dealing with a miscarriage"
"When your first hello means good-bye"
"How to grieve"

I should have waited perhaps to rejoin the pregnancy online world. But would that be fair to this new baby? Morgan will never leave my thoughts or my prayers. I still need to make room for this healthy child, though.