Twelve more hours

I've lost count of how many ultrasounds we've had so far with this pregnancy. But each is never as important as the looming one, that's for sure.

Our next one is at 9 a.m. tomorrow, Christmas Eve.

I'm prepared for the clot getting a little bigger.
I'm expecting to see that little flickering heartbeat.
I'm praying to see no clot at all.

In my heart, I know I have to be ready for the worst. We've been through it before.
But I don't know anyone in his or her right mind who can mentally plan for the death of their child.
And, so, I refuse to.