Seems the fog has returned

I've really been doing well with losing Morgan. Really. I'm passed the point of wanting to off myself. I'm over the whole poor-me attitude where I loathe all pregnant women everywhere.

But my brain still doesn't want to work at full capacity despite my pleading and begging. The projects at work are mounting, the meetings are endless. I can focus for about a half-hour, but then it's back to la-la land for Burkey's brain.

What is it? I know I miss my baby. I know I can't hold my baby. But I also I know that someday I will get that chance with little Morgan. And I want a chance to raise my own children here on Earth, but what if that just isn't in the cards?

As a friend so intuitively said today: "The thing of it is, worrying or not worrying will not stop bad things from happening. In the meantime, you're spending the between moments filled with all that fear and angst. The other thing is, worrying or not worrying will not stop good things from happening either. There are so many things outside of your control, you have to leave it up to God -- and I know you have faith in him and I don't think he'll let you and Brent down without reason."

I couldn't have said it better myself. Now, it's just convincing myself that it's true.